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HOW TO DEAL WITH OVERLY RELIGIOUS PEOPLE...
By Lord Publius
Written on May 21st, 2008
Updated on July 19th, 2008 & September 18th, 2010
Republished here on July 16th, 2015
Various events in my life have left me thinking about overly-religious people. Just how do you deal with them? Well, fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on how you want to look at it) I have had more than my fair share of dealings with them. Some are very good people who only want to help you save your soul. I have no issues with them. Others are either charlatans looking for money or zealots who are trying to push a point of view. Those are the people that inspired this document. So, without further ado, I present to you the following tips...
1.) Don't discuss matters of faith with them. EVER.
Don't bring it up, don't criticize their faith (or any others) and don't express your opinion on the subject. Most religious people are usually nice; until you start talking about how to properly worship God. Why? Because everyone thinks their way is the only way. That's why this rule exists. It doesn't matter which way you think getting into Heaven is best. It doesn't matter what they think, either. No one will be willing to listen to reason on this one and chances are good that EVERYONE is completely wrong anyway.
Don’t bring up the topic... EVER!
2.) If they bring up the topic with you, change the subject. Quick!
It doesn’t matter what the subject is, just talk about something else. Don’t let them eventually steer the conversation back to Religion. If they get really preachy, tell them something like this:
“I do have faith and various beliefs that accompany that faith. However, part of my belief system is that said faith shouldn’t be discussed with other people. It causes too many unnecessary arguments.”
That should end the discussion before it starts getting uncomfortable. If not, turn the conversation to something that would be uncomfortable to them. For example,
"So, I was fucking my wife in the ass last night... and she was lovin' it! She wanted to finish me off with her mouth, but I wouldn't let her. That was just too nasty to consider."
That ought to make them run for the hills...
3.) If you don’t have to associate with them, then don’t associate with them.
Honestly, why hang out with someone that annoys you when you don’t have to, folks? The only place where you should even consider tolerating an overly-religious person is in church. Even under those circumstances, it may not be in your best interest to associate with them. Just because they’re spiritual enough to go to church doesn’t mean they’re sane and rational. Avoid these ‘Kool-Aid drinkers’ if you can.
4.) Smile and Nod…
If it works on your wife or girlfriend while she prattles on about whatever, it will work here too. Especially if the overly-religious person in question is female. I’m not being sexist when I give this piece of advice. I am being quite serious. I know this from personal experience. I’ve actually used this tactic when dealing with an overly religious girl way back around New Year’s Eve of 2000. It worked like a charm. I was actually shocked that it worked! What’s even more shocking is that her boyfriend told me to use that trick. I can’t say it’s a surprise that the relationship didn’t last...
5.) If you must discuss matters of faith with them, don’t insult their beliefs.
It doesn’t matter how illogical, fallacious and/or ridiculous their beliefs may be to you. Just politely agree to disagree. Stay as cordial, polite and professional as possible.
6.) If the conversation does devolve to a theological debate, use debating tricks against them.
The best ones to use would be the Socratic Method of Debate through Questioning and Occam’s Razor. The long list of logical fallacies (not all of which may apply to religious discussions) could also be of help. The list of fallacies includes (but is not limited to):
- Accent
- Ad Hominem
- Amphiboly
- Appeal to inappropriate authority
- Appeal to Pity
- Argumentum ad Baculum
- Argument from Ignorance
- Bandwagon
- Begging the Question
- Complex Question
- Contradiction
- Equivocation
- False Alternatives
- False Cause
- Hasty Generalization
- Non Sequitur
- Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc (aka the ‘Apples and Oranges’ fallacy)
- Red Herring
- Slippery Slope
- Stacking the Deck
- Straw Man
- Subjectivist Fallacy
It won’t work, even if they do run away. In this way, they’re literally just like the Sand People in Star Wars. They frighten easily, but they’ll be back ...and in greater numbers. There are MUCH better ways to scare them off for good. (See talking point #2.)
Also, when they come back, they may start to ‘witness’ to you. That means they are going to do their best to try to convert you to their religion of choice. Trying to tell them it was all a joke won’t work at this point. Some equate witnessing to the love-bombing tactics of a fanatical cult. I’ve been informed by various people of faith that this is not the case. Whatever the truth may be, I’m sure this is still an experience you’d rather do without.
I’m sure you must think I’m some kind of atheist or Son of Belial by now. You couldn’t be more wrong. I'm not going to tell anyone what my views are on this subject, either. They don't need to know. (See talking point #2.) However, many people who claim to be Christian get over-enthusiastic and either annoy everyone or scare people away from the faith. That’s not good. That kind of cult-like behavior needs to be stopped. If someone really wants to save their soul, they’ll go to the church. The Church won’t have to go to them.
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And the litany of complaints starts in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
- Lord Publius
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