About relationships, marriage, et al. and how one individual Aspie deals with these confusing things...

EDITOR'S NOTE: 8 Jan 2015. Just so everyone knows, there's a reason why this particular post was so harsh. I was using it to test someone's loyalty and that person failed. I explained it in another piece that was posted sometime later, which you can read here...

http://lordpublius.blogspot.com/2014/06/im-narcissistic-really-lolz.html

=====================================================================

Lately, I have been seeing history repeat itself with a few friends of mine. Sadly, they have been repeating the mistakes of a few old friends that I pushed away years ago with VERY good reason. It has to do with their perception of my opinions on women, relationships and other related concepts.

Simply put, NONE of them really understand what I think of those concepts because I never told them. It's not really anyone else's business what I think of courtship rituals, family planning or my own personal view of the feminine ideal. Although, that may change now.

To keep this brief, I'll try to explain my issue by dissecting/offering rebuttal to some of the things I've been told by current and former friends over the years. It's also likely to be a bit blunt in some areas. Please do not take offense because none is intended. I just want to make sure that the point gets across to people.

Bullshit Statement #1.) You're standards are too high.

That always sounded funny to me since most of the people saying that didn't seem to have any standards at all. They simply took what they could get, no matter how psychologically unstable and morbidly obese that supposed Human female was... It was scary and sad all at the same time.

Unlike those folks though, I have standards. They are not as high as some have thought over the years, just rather specific. You see, the courtship ritual (aka dating) is supposed to be society's little mechanism to help people find a spouse/mate. So, I look for specific qualities in a woman because I want that dating process to have a chance at becoming something much more. If she doesn't have enough of those qualities, it is both illogical and insulting to us both to waste her time. (Not to mention mine...)

Also, it is worth noting that my father has VERY strongly urged me to NEVER settle in this area of life. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my mother, from whom he is now legally separated. Regardless of whether or not that is the case, I learned from his 'mistake' there and it won't be repeated. Simply put, I will NOT marry anyone with a vastly different personality from mine. No, the fact that I'm an Aspie does not make it difficult to find someone with a similar mentality. There are many good-lookin' women in the world with Sicilian (or at least some kind of Italian) heritage, technical minds and a deep appreciation for the aesthetic. And that is just one example. The 'feminine ideal' can (and has) taken many forms. They do not necessarily have to be 'neurologically different', either. That's just a nice bonus.

Bullshit Statement #2.) Why won't you date regular women/some of the people in our group?

I didn't date the females in that old social group because they were EXCEPTIONALLY overweight, mentally unbalanced or both.

Some of them were also single mothers, which did present all kinds of potential problems. Then, like now, I just couldn't afford to even consider the idea of caring for/adopting a child that was not genetically mine. That does not mean that I am completely against the idea. However, those kids will be evaluated (for lack of a better word) too. Why marry their mother if I can never get along with that woman's children? I'd just be making life a lot more difficult for myself.

As for the 'regular women' comment I sometimes get, well, what exactly constitutes 'regular women' anyway? I can't answer the question of why I supposedly won't date them if I don't have a common frame of reference.

Bullshit Statement #3.) Aren't you afraid of being alone?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Why would I fear what has already been the case for most of my life? I'd rather be alone than get stuck with someone that I'll only end up hating more and more everyday for the rest of my life. Why deliberately put yourself through that kind of Bullshit when you don't have to, man?! You don't necessarily need to be married to get some companionship in life.

Bullshit Statement #4.) "It's not natural to be alone. That's why God made Eve for Adam." or something similar...

First of all, that whole story was a myth devised by a Hebrew that died millenia ago to explain what was otherwise unexplainable to primitives. Don't perpetuate that fairy tale that Moses authored with me. That's an insult to my intelligence. How dare you be that intellectually lazy when trying to argue your point with me?!

Second, it's not natural FOR YOU. Aspies don't require anywhere near the same amount of social activity as a Neurotypical. You NT's socialize so much because you depend on the social network to solve your life's problems. I tend to solve most of my own through my own means and industry. That's my God-given talent. It's also the Superpower (for lack of better term) that creeps out you NT's and makes my socialization so mentally exhausting and difficult. You can't even understand me, yet you judge me and try to correct my supposed deficiencies with peer pressure or some other woefully ineffective means. And so many wonder why I spent so many years rejecting society as a whole...

That being said, it is not always good to be alone. I do have a need for both sexual pleasure and to procreate, just like anyone else. And that is often the driving force behind my having a desire for female companionship in the first damned place: Sex and having a family of my own. If I don't want those things from a woman for whatever reason, you can guarantee that I won't start a romantic relationship with her for any other reason. Sorry if that sounds cruel but, it's the God's honest truth. However, it does not rule out friendship, just romance. I have plenty of female friends that I would never consider dating for one reason or another.

Deep down inside, I'll bet most people know that kind of carnal/primal desire is at the root of their romantic desires too. You NT's for whatever reason just don't seem to want to admit it to yourself and the rest of the world. I think that's a mistake. Denying your Nature is often as harmful as acting on the negative aspects that society was designed to curb and repress.

Finally, I think I need to make something VERY clear: DO NOT EVER, under any circumstances, try to tell me that I need to change or accept something other than what I want in this matter. It has ended friendships that lasted for up to nearly a decade. It will end them in the future too.

In a nutshell, here's what I think those now former friends were trying to do that pissed me off...

Like just about any man (here in Western culture, at least), I want a wife that looks something like this...

They all expected me to follow suit and settle for this...

Can we the HUGE disparity here?

Call me an asshole if you want (and you certainly wouldn't be the first) but, I want a woman I can be attracted to... Not to mention one where I can tell that the folds of skin in her crotch is her vagina and not just rolls of adipose tissue. While I don't exactly expect to get the model in the first picture (Link may be NSFW), I do want to get as close to that as possible. Not only is she hot to trot, she's also physically healthy and will probably pass good genes onto the children. In the end, it's always about the children here. That person would probably be able to produce healthy and happy offspring whereas the walking Cloverfield Monster probably couldn't even conceive. Even if she did, giving birth would probably cause her to have a heart attack and die. I'd rather just avoid that mess altogether.

Also, it is worth noting that the former friend that did indeed marry some walking blob of a woman is now (getting?) divorced from her. (According to mutual acquaintances that I still talk to, anyway.) I am not a bit surprised.

As for my own romantic mistakes (which thankfully have been few and far between by comparison), I just consider them a learning experience now. I harbor no ill will towards any of them... except one. And that crazy bitch will be a major player in a book I'm writing about what it's like to be an Aspie in the Army. She wound up in the book because she played a major role in my discovering the root cause behind why I was always 'different.' Fortunately for her (or perhaps unfortunately), the book will not be vindictive to anyone. It will just tell the God's honest truth as I know it to exist, including my own many mistakes.

So, wherever you are now Lulu, or as me and another mutual acquaintance of ours calls you, Lady Voldemort, please stay there. I am extremely happy that you are the one ex-love interest of mine that I have no contact with anymore. You were a fucking psycho and a phony. Your whole image and public demeanor was a damned lie. I will never forgive you for your attempted deception or the poor way you treated me; someone you once referred to as your friend. That betrayal broke my heart more than anything else you had ever done to me. Rot in Hell.

- Lord Publius