More horror stories about various crazy chicks...

Remember when I made a post about a few crazy single mothers that life forced me to deal with at various times? No? Well, you can read that one here. This post is going to be a sequel of sorts, even if it doesn't necessarily involve a single mother this time. This story is going to be about 2 more female whackjobs that I once knew, during my High School years. However, I don't think the first one had a crush on me. Or, maybe she did on some subconscious level? I have no idea. As I think back to those times, I have come to the conclusion that she was pretty mixed up about a lot of things.

The story of Lizzy the Lezzy

So, let's dive into the story of our first psychotic female. We'll call her Lizzy the Lezzy. Her initials were LD. I can't use that because those were also the initials of another whackjob that I described in the previous entry involving 2 different single moms. Lizzy was not her real name or any kind of variation of her name. However, she was actually a Lezzy. That just adds to the layers of truly messed up behavior you're about to read in this story. I'll try to incorporate a few memes wherever possible.

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Timeframe: March or April of 2000.

Lizzy here was someone that I had an English class with in my Junior year of high school. She was one of the various Anti-Establishment types like me. I'm also certain that we had similar musical tastes. (i.e. Hard Rock & Heavy Metal.) She was also one of the few people in that class that I would actually want to talk to for any reason. The other kids were either boring, annoying or sometimes both. That's about as far as this association went for me. However, it was probably more for Lizzy.

One night, she called my house. I don't remember how she even got the number. That right there is probably a bad sign.

How I feel when I get random, unexpected phone calls from some people...

Anyway, she called me because she wanted to know if I had decided who I was taking with me to a KISS concert happening in a few months. I told her I was probably going to take my sister since she didn't get to go last time. That's when she tells me something I never thought I'd hear.

Lizzy proceeded to offer me sex in exchange for my extra ticket to the KISS show in 2000. Why? Because the opening act was Skid Row, her Lesbian girlfriend's favorite band. She wanted the ticket to make her girlfriend jealous and was willing to sleep with me for that item. Lovely person, heh?

Naturally, I said no to the 'offer' being presented and took my sister to the show instead. I was also quite disgusted at this behavior since it was literal prostitution. And all of this happening while I'm standing in my kitchen talking on my home phone (Remember, this was the year 2000) and with my father standing there cooking something for dinner. If my life wasn't already so damned weird, I probably would have been much more creeped out by the whole incident.

Rather appropriate to use a meme from a cartoon airing during that era...

As far as I can remember, Lizzy never mentioned it again for the rest of the school year. She also disappeared after that year. I had no idea where she went and didn't think about it because I had a lot going on in my own life. (Senior year, graduation, my first vehicle, etc.)

Timeframe: Sometime in 2003...

I ran into Lizzy years later in Fat City while checking out some local Underground Metal concerts. She was drunk and/or stoned, looked like a slob and was barely coherent. She was still excited to see me, even if I didn't recognize her at first. She told me all about how she got in trouble with the law over writing bad checks for pizza delivery, spending some time in jail as a result. I felt really awkward standing there listening to the story. This person also (somehow) came up in conversation with my mother here in 2022. She was pretty disgusted with the behavior too. Thank God my mother doesn't know about too many of the other crazy females I've (unfortunately) encountered over the years.

In conclusion, I have no idea what Lizzy is doing these days. All I do know is that this individual's Facebook profile says that she lives in Colorado now. I hope she found her way, but something tells me that she didn't. I don't want to know either way.

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The story of MW

I'm gonna keep this one short, not-so-sweet and without any of the timeframes. There's just too much crazy bullshit here to tell.  

There's this chick that I used to talk to in my World History class when I was a senior in High School, who we'll refer to by her initials: MW. I was just being semi-social and enjoying myself utterly destroying her bullshit assertions in our almost daily philosophical debates. Apparently, it was more for her, though. She had a crush on me and didn't tell me about it until 10 years later via Facebook. (She was a Freshman or Sophomore at the time we had that class together.) I never said anything about it a second time or expressed any interest. It wasn't mentioned again for years. I thought she was mentioning it as a matter-of-fact kinda thing and had long moved on with her life. Oh, if only I could be so lucky...

Fast forward to late 2017, sometime shortly before New Years Eve. She was in town for the holidays to see her family and decided to go to this karaoke bar about 2 blocks from my house. I went there to hang out and converse with the collection of old friends that were there. She got so damned wasted that she couldn't even remember the address of the friend's house where she was staying on that particular vacation. So, I dragged her to my house so she could sleep it off on my living room couch. Even in the suburbs, being drunk in New Orleans isn't necessarily a safe thing to do.
 
Unfortunately for me, she didn't want to go to sleep right away. She insisted on socializing in that strange way that drunk people always do. Specifically, she wanted to enjoy my rather immense album collection by having me put something on the stereo. It was eventually decided to play a greatest hits CD from Electric Light Orchestra. For some reason, I also let her have the only alcohol that was in my house at the time, a bottle of Amaretto. My father got it sometime earlier to pour some into his ice cream. After he passed away in October of that year, his girlfriend gave the bottle to me since she didn't drink. Since I don't drink either, it just sat in the cabinet for a few months. MW took what was left of this bottle and polished it all off by herself in less than an hour. That broad is Irish to the damned core.🍀🥃

Later on that same night, she tried making a pass at me while drunk. It was an extremely awkward situation and an EPIC FAIL. I was sitting on the couch with her, waiting for her to FINALLY pass out so I could go to sleep. It was 4AM, after all. Anyway, she tried to guide my hand to her chest. I pulled back and flat out refused. She got mad and there was an exchange of words.

MW: 'It's not like I was trying to f*** you!' 

ME, in my usual deadpan delivery method: 'Yes, that's right. You're not. You're too drunk, I'm too tired and I'm not interested. Besides, I really do need to get to sleep. I have been up for about 22 hours now.' 

Shortly after that, she finally fell asleep. I put a throw blanket over her, went in my bedroom and locked the door behind me. Good thing she passed out when she did. I was getting so tired that it would have been difficult for me to keep up that proverbial mask/public persona that I use when dealing with the general public. If she stayed awake much longer, she might have seen what an unrestrained Aspie is like and it would have freaked her out.

Anyway, we were both awake about 6 hours later. I took her to that donut shop that was near her friend's house to feed her something and then dropped her off at the friend's house. I felt quite relieved at that strange episode being over and quickly put it out of my mind. It certainly wasn't the first time that something weird happened in my life and I still had a few holidays to celebrate. Not to mention getting ready to start college again a few weeks later.

Fast forward a few months to March of 2018. I'm in the middle of my first semester at UNO. Things are going pretty smoothly at that point. I'm spending the whole day on campus, often doing homework or research in between classes. And while waiting to go into English class one day, I get a random phone call from her. The call didn't make much sense. A lot of words were being slurred and I really wondered if she was drunk. This kept up for months afterward. She kept trying to explain herself, offer a mea culpa, etc. I kept trying to tell her that I didn't care because I knew she was wasted that night. And suddenly, the calls stopped. I'd find out over 3 years later in 2021 that she had to switch phones and some of the numbers got lost. She also couldn't get in touch with me via Facebook because I had stopped using it in August of 2018, not returning until November of 2020. I still consider that decision to be more than a bit questionable, but my friends BEGGED me to go back for at least a year before I finally did. Personally, I wish they would all just follow me over to Minds instead.

Fast forward again to the summer of 2021. I'm awake at 5AM one morning because I didn't go to sleep the previous night. MW sees me online checking things on Facebook (always a mistake using that shit excuse for a site) and asks to call me on the phone. I agreed out of curiosity, because I genuinely wondered what was so important. Well, it was just more of the same bravo sierra, just ratcheted up a few orders of magnitude.

Once again, she was begging for my uh, 'physical attention'. And once again, I declined as politely as possible. Although I have to admit that I was pretty disgusted at her behavior here. It wasn't at all classy. She also kept offering to pay for a train ticket to get to her house in Alabama and back. Then, there was some remarks that I didn't care for like 'Well, you don't drink. So I guess that I don't need to worry about you getting the whisky dick.' Really classy individual, heh? Does she have Tourette's or something similar? Gee, I wonder why she's single? [/Sarcasm]

Not only did I keep politely saying no, I'd even go as far as to read various Bible passages to her explaining why. Yes, that happened. Specifically, it was the passages that explain the barebones basics of Christian marriage: 1 Corinthians 7. I chose that because I don't date just to get laid, but rather to find a spouse. I figured this would have turned off/discouraged this little heathen sinner, but I was wrong. She actually warmed up to the idea. Man, what the Hell was I going to have to do to get this chick to accept the objective reality of the situation? 

Thankfully, the Scriptures contained something that would be useful in that endeavor. So, I said to her 'Since we have the Scriptures handy, how about I share with you the verses that I think perfectly describe you Democrats.' And then, I read this passage...

"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, [a]haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of [b]godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these." - 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NASB)

Footnotes:

A.) 2 Timothy 3:3 Lit not loving good

B.) 2 Timothy 3:5 Or religion

Needless to say, this freaked her out. However, even that wasn't quite enough to make this THOT be gone. Imagine that, if you will. Calling someone at 5AM for a booty call when you should already know the guy isn't interested and also living two states away from you. I'm pretty sure most folks would call this behavior extremely pathetic. Not to mention creepy and sad... She must have been extremely lonely... And probably nuts.

A random meme that I found online that was
actually quite appropriate for this story.

Unfortunately, she took this one phone call as an excuse to keep calling at very odd hours in the middle of the night. She kept calling my phone fairly regularly in the middle of the night, wanting me to at least talk to her, if not go to her house 2 STATES AWAY to screw her. I would even tell her to NOT call in the middle of the night, but she wouldn't listen. Lousy bitch was disturbing my already disturbed sleep patterns! Even worse, the conversations were often monotonous and trite. If you're going to waste my time, at least have something interesting to say.

I could easily imagine MW saying something like this...

She even begged me to send her memes, knowing full well that I could psychologically destroy her with those image macros. WTF?! Anyway, if this chick wants memes, then I've got plenty for her... Including this one I made specifically to lampoon this situation...

Poor Riley Reid... As if being a Porno THOT wasn't bad enough, she also became a meme template.
Even when the cameras aren't rolling, this poor hooker is still getting f***ed...

And now, every guy reading this is saying to themselves 'Why didn't you just f*** her?' 

Well, she's a Bleeding-Heart Liberal with green hair, badly placed tattoos and virtually nothing resembling tits. She's also delusional, has an over-inflated sense of self-worth/importance and (to my knowledge) has no plan for her life. She also engages in a lot of behaviors that I consider to be trashy, apparently engages in frivolous sex and probably has a high body count by now. A body count filled with all sorts of losers that I do NOT want to follow behind. I can confidently say that since I have met one of her previous boyfriends. That dude was a whiny bitch that came off as a beta-male. No way in Hell I'm gonna put my dick into the kind of delusional/psychotic/unappealing mess that would screw a loser like that...

Simply put, she's the personification of everything that I DO NOT WANT in a female companion. She just doesn't do it for me AT ALL. Just plain low class and low value all around.

Funny how I have a meme for just about anything... Didn't expect any of the shitpost memes in this blog entry to involve Doctor Who, though...

It got to the point where I had to program my phone to send her calls straight to voicemail, since the phone wouldn't let me block her number outright. I blocked her on FB as well. Despite that, she kept trying to worm her way deeper into my life. The most recent attempt being a phone call on the evening of July 6th. Fortunately, the phone's new programming worked and my sleep was NOT disturbed.

God seems to be on my side with this one issue... 😜

I'm not responding to any text messages she might send in the future either, unless I feel like messing with her via The Dark Arts of Meme Warfare... Including this meme below...

These 2 cartoon dumbasses will never stop being funny...

I'm not going to talk to her again. I know what her agenda is here. Any kind of interaction with her is likely to be an attempt on her part to get in bed with me. I'm not sure if I should laugh or be very concerned. When women act like that, they tend to get obsessive, delusional, psychotic and/or violent. That violence could be directed at me, someone that I care about or both. I won't go into details, but I do have reason to believe that is possible. It makes me glad that she was too wasted/hung over to remember where I live.

Anyway, I am keeping screenshots of these weird texts she sent my way. It may prove useful as evidence someday. In the meantime, I'm ghosting that psycho.

I get so much mileage out of
these warp entry memes...

- Lord Publius