I don't date single mothers. I've had some women harshly criticize me for this personal life choice. Almost every one of them were also single mothers themselves. Interesting correlation, heh?
Anyway, I have written on this topic before. If you've read those posts in the past, you already know that I'm not exactly fond of the concept of women deliberately choosing to raise kids alone. It's just NOT good for the kids at all. There are a lot of government statistics on this fact of life. However, I do have some personal experience with these kinds of people too. Some of them were quite negative... and sometimes VERY awkward. We will discuss two of them today.
No names will be revealed. No one will be bad-mouthed. Some of the players in these stories are either no longer alive or have disappeared from civilization. All stories will involve literal descriptions of what happened and my own sarcastic commentary on some things. That way, you can all make up your own minds while also having a good laugh.
Story #1 - The saga of LD
Timeframe: 1999 through 2008.
This one happened to be someone who was part of a friend group that I had in high school. My association with this group tended to ebb and flow for various reasons, usually not because of anything that any of them did. Life just takes you in random directions sometimes.
LD at this time in 1999 was (I think) either 16 or 17 years old. She was dating a friend of mine that we will refer to as H. Despite the dating relationship with H, LD was still unusually interested in trying to include me in various things and trying to learn about me. She also tried to invite me to her birthday party, but I had refused. I don't remember why. That wasn't unusual for me. I had refused to attend birthday parties for other people in other friend groups at that time too. I found most forms of socialization to be mind-numbingly boring and quite unnecessary in those days. That's what happens when you're an undiagnosed Aspie with ZERO concern about anyone else's feelings most of the time.
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| PICTURED: My adolescent self whenever he was asked to do something social... |
At that time, I thought LD was just trying to be sociable with her boyfriend's male friends. Perfectly logical, right? Well, unlike my then undiagnosed Aspergian self, this person was not at all logical. The relationship between LD and H fizzled out, as teenage relationships often do. H called me on the phone that summer and told me that LD had a crush on me. I made it quite clear that I had no interest in her. I had nothing in common with her and she looked a LOT younger than she really was too. Despite being a teenager at that time, I swear that she looked more like an 11 or 12 year old instead. Not quite 5ft. tall, skinny to the point of looking emaciated and I strongly suspected that she had mental problems. Not good...
How did I deal with this issue? Well, I didn't. I drifted away from that friend group in the spring of 1999, just wandering through life as I did at the time. When school was back in session that fall, I was already in a completely different area of the school yard during lunch, before school started, etc. I don't remember seeing her again after that for the rest of my high school experience.
Now, we fast forward to 2008. By this point, I'm almost through with my first college degree. I started hanging out with some of those old high school friends again on Friday and/or Saturday nights in various karaoke bars, watching them sing. By this point, I was also getting tired of that activity and started slowly withdrawing from them again. Yes, this is the same group that I wrote about in a previous post about outgrowing friend groups.
Anyway, LD somehow wound up in this group on a regular basis. I have no idea how or why. It didn't take long for her to try to socialize with me on an individual level. I decided to be my usual, standoffish self. While that usually keeps most people away, this one didn't get the message. So much for me getting this person to leave without having to be purposely rude or hurt anyone's feelings...
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| PICTURED: Me when my usual tactics don't make annoying people go away... |
Back in High School, I thought of this person as just being slightly annoying with her failed attempts at trying to get into my life. Now, it was much worse. She had recently had a baby with some dope who was also hanging out in that bar every weekend. I didn't have much interaction with him. However, I can say that I was definitely NOT interested in following behind him, if y'all know what I mean.
All the stories that LD insisted on telling me about her personal life at that point didn't help, either. I won't repeat the stories here, but I can say that all of them provided me with enough red flags to have a Chi-com parade through Tiananmen Square. This girl was DEEPLY troubled, most likely an unfit parent (and that kid's father certainly was, if the stories I was told were true) and I now had no doubts that she was mentally ill. I would later discover that she was on a lot of medications, which is why she always seemed a bit out of sorts. I don't know if this was why she seemed to be mentally ill to me, but it was likely to be a contributing factor.
Anyway, she also still looked much the same as she did in High School: short and emaciated. Did this girl ever eat? Looking back on it now, I sincerely wish my younger self bought her a meal or two. I will say this much, though. The wardrobe changed a lot. In High School, she wore a lot of flannel shirts. At this time in 2008, I remember her wearing a LOT of black. Not sure if that's relevant, but it is something that I noticed.
This story gets even more twisted. During these evening excursions, I would often step outside of the bar for fresh air. I don't smoke and bars in Jefferson Parish to this day are still friendly to smokers. LD followed me outside for whatever reason and decided to start up a conversation with me. As usual, I remained standoffish, non-committal to anything and quite laconic. Whereas most people would find this mysteriousness very uncomfortable and drift away, this one didn't. Rather annoying, if you ask me. I don't remember most of the conversation. I wasn't paying close attention and most of it was just idle chit-chat. Eventually, the conversation shifted to how everything went to shit with her baby's father. Sad to hear about, but there was nothing I could have done about that situation.
She also went out of her way to bring up music with me, talking about how she left Country behind in favor of my preferred genre: Heavy Metal. My reaction to this development? I don't remember the exact words that I used. It was something along the lines of "Well, congratulations on embracing the one true musical faith, my dear. Why is this relevant to me?" Ever the smart ass, my then 26 year-old self was...
She probably assumed that I didn't understand that she was trying to use that common interest to get closer to me. Despite being an undiagnosed Aspie at the time, I did, in fact, know EXACTLY what she was trying to do. I just didn't want to give her any in-roads into my life. It was obvious that her life was a trainwreck at this point. Having her in my life would have been a disaster waiting to happen. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. This world is never going to be kind to any of us. You have to be VERY careful about who you let into your inner circle. If you don't, your life will only be that much more complicated.
And now, the story gets even more twisted. In this conversation, she brings up how she used to date H back in High School. H had also found his way into this particular group activity at karaoke bars on occasion, which is probably why she brought him up. He was married at that time, dragged his wife around with him and acted like a real ass. However, that's beyond the scope of this story. She mentioned something about how when she was dating him back in the day, she really wished she was dating me instead. I don't remember even if I responded to this, let alone how I might have reacted. All that I do remember is thinking "I know, LD. H told me about that in 1999." The conversation shifted again, back to the same inane topics that I don't even remember now. We both went back inside a few minutes later. Neither of us ever brought up how she told me she had feelings for me ever again. I think it was pretty awkward for both of us.
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| PICTURED: How I felt when I was in that particular point in space & time... |
Over the next few weeks, LD still kept doing her best to try to get through to me. She tried being friendly and offering to buy me a drink one time. I flat out refused because I don't like alcohol and was going to be driving myself home later. Drinking booze wouldn't have been a good idea, even if I do have a very high tolerance. She didn't quite understand my reluctance, but still accepted the objective reality of the situation. I really don't like alcohol.
Sometime later on a different night, she once again tried initiating conversation with me while we were sitting amongst the group in the bar. Just going on and on about whatever it was... After a while, I just decided to be purposely rude for once because I wanted this non-sense to stop. I blurted out "LD, I just don't care!" Her response to this was to laugh and say "Only you, Publius. Only you..." And some say that we Aspies are bad at picking up hints...
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| PICTURED: How I feel when people just don't take the freakin' hint... I chose Dr. Crusher because the Picard facepalm is overused these days. |
So, how did I eventually deal with this wannabe Stage-5 clinger? The same way I did in 1999: I didn't deal with it at all. Shortly after the incident that I just described, I decided to leave that friend group for unrelated reasons. After that, she had no way of contacting me anymore... Except through Facebook, which was starting to get popular at this time. She sent THREE friend requests over time, all of which I denied. Then, I discovered the block button and made judicious use of it in this case. (And many times since then...)
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| PICTURED: How I dealt with uncomfortable social situations back in the day... |
I never had any contact or interaction with this person ever again. I don't know what happened to her or the child she had. I tried finding this person via web search before writing this blog post. No results were found. There were plenty other women with similar names, but not her. I have no idea if she's dead or alive. I hope she found her way and that the child is doing well.
All that being said, I learned a few things from this person. This experience here made me aware of the fact that I had a very serious social deficiency when it came to gently rejecting unwanted advances and/or turning people down. After much work (and, sadly, some more practice with others), I have corrected this issue. Looking back on it now though, I wish I had handled the LD situation in another way. I would have never gotten involved with her on any level. However, I wish I knew how to be more friendly towards her back then. It's now pretty obvious to my older self that this lost soul was looking for some kind of Human connection that was lacking in her life. By trying so hard to make her voluntarily go away, I probably contributed to her varying forms of pain. I won't do that again.
Story #2 - The MANY misadventures caused by BD
Timeframe: Early-to-mid 2000s
This one is about a particular ex-girlfriend of one of my younger brothers. We'll call her BD. She was especially horrible for many reasons. I am thankful to the Lord that she did NOT end up being a sister-in-law to me. She caused an unbelievable amount of drama in my family's lives. My brother's tendency to be overly emotional at times when dealing with women (especially in that time period) didn't help matters. I won't go into all the details, because that would make her story too long for our purposes here.
However, before telling this story, I want to make one thing VERY clear. BD, as 'mentally hilarious' as she was, still went out of her way to be very nice to me. I don't know if this was because she wanted good relations with her boyfriend's family or if my brother warned her about my 'eccentricities' that often made people nervous. I tried my best to be civil with her, but there were a few times she tested my patience. More on that later.
I don't remember how these two met or when they started dating each other. I just thought it was weird that my brother was dating a woman slightly older than him with a son that was (I think) 3 to 4 years old at the time. To me, that was a pretty big red flag. It didn't matter that she came from a wealthy family and had no financial issues from being a single mom. That little boy's existence was proof positive that this girl could make some stunningly bad decisions.
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| PICTURED: The way I feel whenever I see a guy setting themselves up for being legally responsible for other people's kids. |
Knowing my brother though, the only thing he was probably focused on was this girl's enormous rack and getting laid with her on a regular basis. (And boy did he ever...) I'll admit that she had nice curves. However, the child, her obviously contrived public persona (Or, 'fake personality' for those who prefer layman's terms) and her manipulative tendencies would have made me run the other way.
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| PICTURED: How I react whenever I discover that I'm dealing with fake people... |
Of course, she ended up being a bit psycho (no surprise) and a real drama queen. She and my brother had fights that could peel paint off the walls. It adversely affected the whole family in various ways. It also caused my brother and father to have quite a few nasty arguments. Damned near ruined a few holidays that way, too. I'll never forgive BD for that shit and lots of other things that I'm purposely leaving out for privacy concerns. Simply put, this one disrupted virtually every sense of order that I had in life. And as we all know, Aspies don't like disruptions in their daily routines.
Anyway, these fights sometimes interfered with the family construction business too. Specifically, she'd call my brother while we were working and start arguments with him. That led to arguments between him and my father, because he was trying to get a job done. Those useless phone calls were adversely affecting our productivity on the job. And we normally did 2 or 3 jobs per day at this time, often on completely different ends of town. Combine this stress, Dad being a real taskmaster, the summer heat and BD playing her games, and it obviously became a shitshow really quick. There was even one time that this chick came out to the job and picked up my brother after he had a nasty argument with Dad about her.
As much as I disliked working in construction, I still found that to be both unprofessional and unacceptable. It made more work for the rest of us on the job site: Me, Dad, my other younger brother and Dad's employees. (I remember at least one of his long-term workers being there that day.) I sincerely doubt that this was something my brother would have done without that miserable little piece of ass playing games with him. I swear, the things that pussy drives a man to do...
Despite having many stories about this person, I am only going to go over two more: an engagement and how that ended.
First, the engagement. I was asleep in my room one night when this chick and my brother just walked right in and woke me up with news. For whatever reason, my brother asked this chick to marry him. In my still half-asleep and confused state, I just looked right at my brother and said 'What the Hell were you thinking, *insert younger brother's name here*?' or something along those lines. He and BD both laughed at this, assuming that I was just being my socially inept self. I wasn't. I was genuinely wondering why he would do something so foolish. I found it rather difficult to get back to sleep that night.
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| PICTURED: How I feel when NT's think I'm being funny when I'm not. |
Second, how that engagement ended. The details on this aren't clear to me. I wasn't involved in all the conversations or privy to the details. I remember hearing some talk about BD cheating on my brother with some other guy while her 5 year old son was asleep in the same room. Naturally, this pissed off my brother. Knowing him, he probably tracked down that other guy and kicked the ever-lovin' shit out of him while still in rage mode too. If not, he still should have, just on general principle.
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| PICTURED: The perfect GIF to describe this THOT... |
Anyway, things quickly devolved between these two (A fact that brought me a great deal of glee at the time) and everything turned into an all-out war between them. The family went to dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants one night. These two got into it again and she left the restaurant. She also took the engagement ring and threw it in the grass outside the restaurant's front door, just to be spiteful. I don't remember how everyone reacted to this, but I do remember that I just went about eating my dinner while ignoring the drama. I felt bad for my poor brother here, but I have to admit that I was also feeling quite pleased with the thought of this chick going her own way. That made the meal all the more tasty.
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| PICTURED: Me enjoying the Schadenfreude... |
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| PICTURED: My reaction to that cheating THOT trying to get back into my brother's life by using tears and over-emotionalism. Might have worked on him to some extent, but not me, chicka... |
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| PICTURED: A phrase that I am certain was a part of that conversation... |
She also filed a few police reports against my brother claiming various forms of bullshit. The cops didn't have to do much detective work to figure out that she was a lying cuntrag. The list just goes on and on with this one. I'm damned glad she's gone.
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| Truthfully, calling that one a THOT just isn't enough... |
So, what happened to her? Well, my brother moved away for college and eventually moved on from her too. She eventually married some other fool that was loaded with cash. She's now a mother to at least 4 more kids and lives a life of luxury in Old Metairie. She also still called my brother occasionally for years afterward, but that went nowhere. To this day, my brother is very happy that he got away from her. To this day, I still spit on the ground and curse that THOT's name whenever it's spoken around me. Jesus may be eternally forgiving, but I have my limits. She regularly exceeded them all.
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| Conan the Barbarian is NOT having any of this bravo sierra... |
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And there we have it, folks. Two reasons why I don't get involved with single mothers. There are others that I could tell. However, I think these are messed up enough. These experiences provided some extremely valuable life lessons for all involved, with the possible exception of the single moms themselves. I got the impression that neither of them even realized how often they made mistakes, let alone learned from them.
Not every single mom that I've met was a psycho, but too many of them were. Even if I didn't have misgivings about raising children that I didn't sire, the mothers themselves would still cause me to bow out and pop smoke. Some of them were just plain CRAZY...
So, if any of you find yourself in a situation where you have a single mother pursuing you, keep these stories in mind. Exercise EXTREME caution and be prepared to disappear.
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| PICTURED: What your response should be when a single mom chases after you... |
- Lord Publius
