Following one's passions... (If you can)

Before I start, I want you to look at the picture below. I snagged this from the Facebook page of my last Army unit's chaplain in December of 2015.

Why is it so hard to reach that little green star?

This post is for the general public. However, I want certain individuals in my personal life to see this too. They seem to have a hard time understanding why I'm looking into other opportunities outside of Insurance. Or, at least the part of the insurance business that I have seen so far... One of them have even commented that I just don't want to work.

First of all, pull your head out of your fourth point of contact. I do want to work. However, I want the job to be suited to my talents, interests and personality as well. That way, I'll be successful and happy. You really should not do something just because you can and you'll get paid. That's a horrible reason to do something, folks. I'm sure I'd make a great contract killer too but, that would not be a good thing to do. Not to mention dangerous, stupid, illegal, sinful, harmful to society, etc. etc. etc.

So, why did I leave after the initial contract was completed without even trying to renew or extend that contract? Well, besides having a few things that needed to be done at home, the reasons were largely the same as ever: just too much bullshit all at once. I'll summarize them here...

General reasons why people quit their jobs:

• a bad direct manager
• poor job fit
• co-workers not dedicated to quality
• unsatisfactory pay and benefits
• and a lack of connection to a broader purpose. (i.e. What's the point of it all?)

Note that all of these, with the exception of pay (which is cited more often from those who are already disengaged), involve the desire to do great work. If this looks familiar to any of my regular readers, it's because ALL of those things led to me leaving the Army too. Fortunately, I have not had to deal with all of those things in the Insurance business. My co-workers usually were dedicated to quality workmanship. As for bad managers... Well, I'm beginning to think that there are very few good managers left. Most range from decent to just plain worthless. I know leadership isn't always easy but, I would like to see more effort on the part of those in leadership positions.

Also, quite a few adjusters keep talking about 'the money' as being their sole motivation. (Or, motivation enough to put up with a lot of crap.) That is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Money is the means towards an end, not the end unto itself. Happiness should be the goal, not just acquiring more cash and the stuff it can buy. I don't even care about that right now. I have too many toys, anyway. There's never enough time to play with them all, even when I am not on one of these damned business trips...

Truth be told, I did this insurance adjusting thing only to have a source of income to replace the small-but-regular paychecks from the military. I have no real interest in being in the Insurance business long-term, even if I am pretty good at the job. (I literally had other adjusters tracking me down to thank me for writing such good file notes.) It's pretty dull and boring, not to mention a fine real-life example of the kind of corporate culture everyone hates anyway. I'm not willing to sacrifice my sanity, ambitions for the future and my life (as messed up as it is), just to chase a buck. That's worshiping a false idol: the 'almighty' dollar. And since I don't want to violate the 2nd Commandment (or the 2nd Statement, if you're reading it in the original Hebrew), I guess I won't be whoring/enslaving myself to a soulless corporation just to pad my wallet. I don't care if the paychecks are larger than any other business I have been in, thus far.

Besides, the money is not as good as it may look. When you factor in...

• The INSANE taxes that are taken out of the check by the Feds every week...
• The much lower taxes taken by the government of whatever state you're residing in while making that money...
• Whatever taxes my home state is likely to charge on my income...
• Having to support two households at once, namely my house in NOLA and whatever apartment I can find in whatever town this job takes me to...
• Paying for hotels while I try to find an apartment in whatever time I can spare while working 60 hours per week...

...and it all starts to dwindle fast. The first 1 or 2 months on site in any of these 'deployments' as they are called (God, I hate that word), I am spending nearly everything I make on hotel bills, takeout, et al. and unable to save much. Even worse, on this 2nd 'business trip' (which is what I will say instead of deployment from this point forward. An insurance company would not understand what it means to a Veteran when they here the word 'deploy'.), I was clawing my way out of debt. I didn't get to save much of anything until the third month I was contracted to work in that assignment.

"Can't you just ask to stay longer?" you ask. Well, it's sometimes possible but, it's also a bit problematic.

Sometimes, the large insurance carrier I have worked for twice now does offer extensions to us Independent Adjusters. However, they always wait until the last minute and frequently change their minds. It's like dealing with a teenage girl trying to decide to take the class president or quarterback of the football team to the prom. They end up putting us into a position where we have to drop everything, put our lives on hold, and continue doing whatever it is we're doing on that particular job site. In my case, both business trips have been working in a call center handling auto claims. However, I was not able to extend my stay in either of the two assignments I've had, thus far.

The first one in Bakersfield, CA was awful because I had to deal with California people, the most narcissistic and self-centered group of Shitbags I have ever met. Damned near EVERY call I took usually started with the asshole on the other side spending 5-10 minutes cursing me out and riding my ass just because the corporate phone system sucked. Well, I'm sorry that you sat on hold for an hour and a half (no, that isn't an exaggeration, it could be that long) but, I am not the one causing you pain. I'm supposed to be the one helping you. The less of an asshole you are, the more motivated your adjuster will be to help you.

Anyway, the contract there ended on 12/31/2014. They waited until 12/22 to tell us they would extend 47 out of the 150 of us there. I didn't like the odds. Also, I had stuff that needed to be done at home that required my presence and couldn't be delayed.

Also, there's one individual who thinks I just arbitrarily decided to quit the California gig solely for the reasons I just laid out. Well, not quite. It wasn't just a toxic clientele (and toxic air quality) that made Bakersfield suck. The office wasn't exactly a place where I fit in, either.

I had officially separated (or divorced) from the Army in July of 2014. I got my adjusting license from Louisiana in August and went out to Commiefornia in September. I wasn't even used to being 'back in the world' yet. If not for an on-site trainer who was also a veteran (and could tell I had Asperger's Syndrome) looking out for me, I would have been fired within the first month. I had no idea what I was doing (at first). I didn't fit in with the corporate culture. I was also getting the impression that a lot of my co-workers there were actually afraid of me because I was a recently separated veteran. I didn't go into a lot of detail about the Army but, I didn't make a secret of how much it rubbed me the wrong way, either. I did tell a few stories to explain why it rubbed me the wrong way too, most of them having massive amounts of bureaucratic incompetence as a central theme. Greg, I don't know how you kept me from getting shit-canned but, I do greatly appreciate your efforts. You sir, are a very good person.

That company also promised me that they'd find more work for me soon. I don't know why I believed them. I didn't get anything more out of them except for a few training courses. I later found out this was more because of the insurance carrier that they provided adjusters for deciding they didn't need help. There was also a very light/practically non-existent hail and hurricane season. So, I am still in good standing with that company. I am not 100% sure what I think of them but, I don't have any malice or ill will towards them. That's good, right?

The second time around, in the last few months of 2015, was with another firm supplying independent adjusters to this one, massive insurance carrier. The job was in a small college town named West Lafayette, Indiana. Despite being the home of Purdue University (which is a truly excellent school for Science, Engineering and English) and having a few car factories in the area (Mainly Toyota and Subaru), that town was still dreadfully small, boring and miserable. It was also pretty ghetto-looking in a lot of areas too.

Anyway, this office was better than Bakersfield. My experience with this particular IA firm was a LOT better too. That is, right up until December 16th.

I had been told 2 weeks prior that the carrier wasn't going to extend anyone. Then, I get a phone call from the recruiter at the company that brought me on board. He tells me that we are going to be offered an extension. He neglected to tell me that I should have kept this to myself. So, I mention it to a few co-workers I was friendly with a few minutes later. Someone makes some phone calls and then, I'm being brought in to a teleconference with one of the on-site managers who was still in charge of us, despite leaving for a different location in Texas a few days prior.

This chick starts reading me the Riot Act, insinuating that I was a problem child (which surprised me since I got along quite well with everyone in that office) and finishes it off with 'I have nothing further to say to you.' Needless to say, I felt hurt, confused and was wondering if I had just crossed over into the Twilight Zone. I thought this person was respectable, only to find out that I was really dealing with a little fucking snake-in-the-grass who was more worried about protecting her own ass instead of providing good leadership.

I must have suspected something was amiss on a subconscious level. Many people decorate their cubicles with funny pictures of one kind or another. I had a few but, I also had a few pictures about leadership too. That sort of thing is VERY important to a man who has had to deal with some truly terrible leadership in his life. One of those pics was a quote from a General that I have a lot of respect for...

Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership. - Colin Powell

And General Powell could not be more correct. I had that problem with a number of NCO's in the Army and at least one company commander. They all lost my confidence for those exact two reasons. They didn't even make a good effort to help with anything and I genuinely believe that they did not care. I will NEVER tolerate that again.

Of course, this story gets worse. Only a few minutes later, ALL of us are called into a teleconference. In that conference, this chick explains that my recruiter was new and didn't know better than to tell me anything directly instead of going through the managers. She also name-drops me THREE times. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off. This fucking CUNT was trying to publicly shame me. Why? Did she somehow think that I was going behind her back and trying to publicly spite her? I had merely mentioned that my recruiter said we were going to be offered an extension. I never said I was going to take that extension. I like to take some time to mull over decisions like that, anyway. I don't make important life decisions without due consideration.

After that meeting, the managers that were on site informed us all that they heard everyone was being offered an extension. Most other people accepted for their own reasons. I politely refused. The on-site managers thought it was because of what just happened in the teleconference. I told them it wasn't and that is the truth. I had already spent the two previous weeks planning a return home. I also had a few important things that couldn't be delayed waiting on me at home too. All that so-called leader did was put a rancid cherry on top of a shit sundae that I simply refused to eat. If someone is to be blamed for my inability to stay in Indiana longer, it would probably be the insurance carrier itself. They waited too long to decide if they wanted to extend us or not.

I am not going to be disrespected by terrible leaders or have some soulless bureaucracy jerk my chain. All of that came to an end when I took off the uniform. I swore to myself after that bad experience that I would NEVER allow anyone to treat me that way again. I am a man of my word.

And after all of that, there was still another damned teleconference. (God forbid we actually do our jobs and service those claims, right?) This time, the toxic manager asks about who accepted the extension. The on-site managers told her 'Well so far, everyone we've asked seems to have extended except Publius.' Her only response to that was 'Hmm, that's interesting...'

Yeah, I'll bet it was, chick. I think that was the point where she first realized that she messed up and lost command of the situation. There was no going back. I had no further dealings with her after that day. I had also told my recruiter that I was not going to extend there and that any future deployments I did with that company will NOT have that particular manager involved. He understood. He's also working diligently right now to find another assignment for me sometime in February or March.

However, that may not even happen.

As I have already stated, this insurance carrier is very fickle when it comes to deciding if it needs help from Independent Adjusters. Whether they intended it or not, we IA's end up being something of an indentured servant to this company. That's not even close to acceptable.

I have also had more than enough of this 'office job' kind of life. I had that in the Army and Insurance Adjusting and genuinely do not care for it at all. Sometimes, I genuinely miss working outside and getting all the fresh air and sunshine. Or, at least having a window to see the outside world instead of just the walls of a cubicle.

Besides, the carrier may wait nearly a year before deciding they need more Independent Adjusters. That happened to me before and I won't get stuck sitting at home for a long time again because of them.

This Insurance gig also presents one of the same problems that led me to leaving the Army: it keeps me from pursuing the goal of finding a wife and starting a family. Kinda hard to find the future Mrs. Publius and give birth to some modern-day Romans when you're moving around every few months and working 60 hours a week. And no, I am not going to consider an office place romance. They never work out.

So, what else can I do?

Well, I have a few other employment avenues to explore. There's a video game company opening up in New Orleans sometime soon. They are going to need employees for various things and I very well might be qualified. I do have that college degree in Game Design. Not to mention being an Army Veteran with some 'interesting' things on the resume and Insurance Adjusting licenses in at least 24 different states now... (Only 30 states require a license too.) In this particular case, the Career Services department at my college just might prove useful for once. Although, a friend of mine who was also one of my professors at that school has suggested otherwise. Either way, I will still give the ol' Career Services department at least this one more chance. It sure would be nice if they could help me find a job that I really like for once...

I should also be able to get into the auto appraising side of the insurance industry with some relative ease. I have experience as an adjuster working auto claims and a downright encyclopedic knowledge of automobile history, technology and lore. Being the guy who inspects vehicle damage at a shop/inspection station/in the field should be a breeze for me. That's what I've really wanted to do from the start of my time in this business, anyway.

There are also 2 other things I really want to do someday but, we'll talk about them later. One is a business I would like to start someday and the other involves one of the most noble professions of them all: being a Teacher. However, that would require several thousand dollars tuition and going back to school for a year. So, for now, that is not a realistic option. Hopefully, that can one day change.

And finally, here's another reason why I am sick and tired of being in my current, often unreliable method of employment: It puts me into a situation where I have to pretend to be something I'm not...

This applies to Aspies as well as Autistics.

This happens a lot, especially on these 'assignments' that I have been doing as an Independent Adjuster. I get physically and mentally exhausted by the third month. It becomes quite noticable by co-workers too. Since I returned home on New Year's Day, I have been out-of-sorts. I have something of a routine again with going to the gym in the morning, Tuesday night Bible study w/ Mom at church, et al. I did manage to do a few of the things on the To Do list that made me come home from Indiana as well. However, I am still not quite settled again. I'm not even sure why. Maybe it's because I'm worried that I may have to leave for another of those damned 'assignments' again? (Damn you, economic scarcity!) Or, maybe it's something else that's totally unrelated to any kind of work? Who knows?

Either way, I am really tired of my life being such a roller coaster... and just plain tired. Time to make things change... Somehow...

- Lord Publius