36 Questions Designed to Help You Fall in Love with Anyone? Are you sure?

So, I cam across an article on Big Think that seemed less intellectual than their usual fare and more like click-bait Bullshit. Sadly, I think it was just click-bait. It was an article called '36 Questions Designed to Help You Fall in Love with Anyone' to which my Aspergian brain immediately responded with the quip 'citation needed.'

Anyway, I decided to debunk this notion as best as possible, just by answering the questions. Performing this little experiment involves having another person around and I don't have one right now. I took the questions and answered them below to the best of my abilities. It should become apparent just how insanely illogical this idea that a 36 question interview is somehow enough to make a person fall in love with you.

So, without further ado...

1.) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Hmmm... How about a wealthy investor who believes in at least one of my business ideas?

2.) Would you like to be famous? In what way?

No, I prefer to be rich and powerful enough to ensure that the world cannot mess me over.

3.) Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Sometimes, usually for a business purpose.

4.) What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

A day where I win the Powerball and make love to the woman of my dreams for hours on end. Next question.

5.) When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I don't sing.

6.) If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Mind. A body is pretty useless without a mind to control it, anyway.

7.) Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

No. Predicting the future is impossible, thanks to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle.

8.) Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

No partner at the moment.

9.) For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

NOT being in the Army anymore. I am not even remotely joking about this, either.

10.) If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not being sent to a religious school that was a LOT more concerned with football than Jesus. Next question.

11.) Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

What partner? Also, 4 minutes is never enough.

12.) If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Whatever social skills I'd need to be a success in the business world, assuming I don't have them already.

That, or becoming skinny and having the rapid metabolism I had when I was in my early 20's. That would also be nice.

13.) If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Crystal balls cannot do those things.

14.) Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Yes, because I don't have the money to make it happen.

15.) What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Buying a house, surviving the Army, graduating college... They're all good choices. Take your pick.

16.) What do you value most in a friendship?

Loyalty.

17.) What is your most treasured memory?

I can't answer this one. Too many to choose from...

18.) What is your most terrible memory?

I won't answer this one. Again, too many to choose from...

19.) If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Obviously, I'd have to find a way to prevent my premature demise. Also, I'd have to find out how I can patent this new miraculous technology that allowed me to successfully predict the future. I could make some serious cash that way. :P

20.) What does friendship mean to you?

It means that I have someone to talk to and spend time with... And they aren't required to because of their job, a business arrangement or social obligations to me as a member of their family.

21.) What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Very few...

22.) Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Unable to answer this since it requres another person to be here.

23.) How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

It was a lot closer and warmer when most of us were all in close proximity. Now, we are spread out across the country. My childhood was much like my life as an adult: one misadventure after another. It wasn't always unhappy but, it did involve a lot of shit that should not have happened. See what happens when you send your kids to a religious school that's more concerned with football than Jesus or education? (Especially when your son has no real interest in sports at all...)

24.) How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Fine.

25.) Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

Unable to answer this since it requires another person to be here.

26.) Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

My life. My knowledge. My love. My genetic material since the children I want some day are not going to magically appear out of thin air...

27.) If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

Never expect me to behave in a normal way. It won't happen. For me, it's all about logic and reason. I never let emotion make any decisions at all. Even those decisions that you would think should be emotional in nature still aren't decided that way with me. Even if they play a part, logic and reason ultimately make the final call.

28.) Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Unable to answer this since it requires another person to be here.

29.) Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

No. This is a public forum of sorts. That would not be appropriate. However, I can say that I was pretty embarrassed to be part of ALL of the units I was in during my time in service, except for C/551 @ Fort Gordon. That was the only one that was actually effective and had good leadership.

30.) When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Men do not cry... Unless they just got kicked a really sensitive spot or ran out of land to conquer... :P

31.) Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Unable to answer this since it requires another person to be here.

32.) What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Abortions, child murder, rape... pretty much anything that involves something horrible happening to women and children.

33.) If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I sincerely do not know.

34.) Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

The external HDD's attached to my computer. They will have a record of everything that I own, which I will need that for INS purposes.

If possible, I'll also try to grab the fireproof safes that I use for important documents and the locked rolling tough box where I keep Army records and various other important things.

35.) Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

I prefer not to dwell on this question.

36.) Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Unable to answer this very well since it requires another person to be here. The obvious choice would be the social skills deficit inherent in all people with Asperger's Syndrome. How do you really participate in society and socialize when you have no real interest in socializing or society?

So, do y'all love me yet? :P

- Lord Publius