15th Anniversary of the Columbine Massacre

This Sunday is more than just Easter for 2014. It's also the 15th Anniversary of the Columbine Massacre. I have decided to reflect on my own unique experiences with this tragic event in recent history... And debunk a LOT of the BULLSHIT that normally got passed around and became Urban Legend because of this tragedy.

1.) Did the Columbine shooters really use custom-made levels for the PC game Doom to practice the shooting in advance?

First, is an urban legend about gaming, which hits pretty damned close to home for me. This one is about the infamous 'Harris Levels' made by the Columbine Shooter, Eric Harris. I have these levels and have played them a few times in college to study the layout and design. Their design was appallingly bad. Also, NONE of them resembled ANY high school anywhere, let alone Columbine. Harris and his shitbag co-hort Dylan Klebold didn't decide to kill their classmates after playing a few computer games. THEY COMMITED THIS ACT OF DOMESTIC TERRORISM BECAUSE THEY WERE SICK IN THE HEAD.

And yes, I did call it an act of Terrorism back then in 1999.

2.) Are you going to blow up the school?

I got asked this question by a lot of stupid, pot-smoking teenagers... And I'll give you all the same answer now that I did back then:

Of course not, Dumbass. Even if I were, do you honestly believe I would tell you about it beforehand? That would reduce the number of people I could theoretically take out in the explosion!

Fucking High School kids... I swear...

3.) Why did everyone think I was going to shoot someone or set off a bomb?

Short answer: Because people are stupid.

Long answer: I was the weird kid in class and wore a LOT of black clothes, including a leather motorcycle jacket and concert T-Shirts everyday. Combine that with Aspergian mannerisms/lack of interest in social activity and its only natural that the other children would be wary of me. They didn't understand me and neuro-typicals fear what they do not understand.

Then, two dumbasses in Colorado go on a shooting spree and freak everyone out. The media labels them as outsiders that wear lots of black, listen to Heavy Metal and play Doom. I was also an outsider, wore lots of black (and still do sometimes), listen to Heavy Metal and sometimes play violent games like Doom. So, like the idiots that teenagers usually are, they put 2 & 2 together and then (somehow) ended up with 5.

All that being said, I did get to take these lemons that life handed me and make some lemonade. I spent a lot of time in principal/administrator/disciplinarian's offices because of this crap and got to know them all pretty well. Thanks to the rapport that I established with them, I managed to get away with a lot of behavior that might have otherwise resulted in disciplinary action.

4.) Was anyone on MY side in this whole sick and twisted affair?

Besides the school's faculty, largely no. Some of my friends thought I was getting a raw deal but, to my knowledge, only one individual stuck up for me in public. Those who were in High School with me and are now reading this should already know who she was so, I won't mention her name here.

All I will say is that she is still to this day one of the few people who can actually talk some sense into me when I'm being a stubborn ass. (Or if my thought processes have become psychologically compromised in some way...) That is why she's my go-to person for advice on many things I don't understand, especially social issues. I normally refer to her by the Italian phrase 'Primo Amore' as a special title.

For example, while I was serving in Korea, I had a rather bizarre 'romantic pursuit', for lack of better term, involving a young female soldier that was my friend. I kept trying to be a gentleman to this chick I had fallen for but, she wasn't treating me well. She was just trying to play head games with people, acting friendly one minute and pushing you away the next. The observed behavior was rather contradictory and confusing, to say the least...

Anyway, the Primo Amore very carefully and diplomatically advised me via Facebook message that this chick was nuts and I should let her go. After thinking about it for about 48 hours, I decided that she was right and took that advice. That was probably one of the smartest decisions I had made while I was over there in that country.

5.) Was there ever any danger of me 'going Ape Shit' on the school?

No. That would be a waste of time and ammo that I didn't even really have. How does a law-abiding teenager get his hands on the arsenal required to launch that kind of assault?

I did find it quite amusing that so many of my classmates were so scared shit-less of me. I normally didn't engage ANY of them and can't even remember most of their names now. Simply put, if that person isn't currently on my friend lists at various social media sites, I probably don't remember that they even existed.

I'll admit that I did have some fun with them and played a few mind games, convincing them that I was the head of an Sicilian organized crime syndicate or some other completely ridiculous bullshit. It was quite a laugh for me, even if no else thought it was funny. Here's how it usually went...

*Random teenager (hence referred to as 'RT') slowly walks up to me*

RT: Um, are you going to blow up the school?

Me: Do you think I will?

RT: Yeah...

Me: Then why should I tell you anything since it's pretty clear you've already made up your mind?

RT: Uhhh...

Me (speaking with a slight Sicilian accent): Look, Dumbass. I wouldn't waste my time destroying this place with a bomb. That's a waste of a perfectly good bomb. I wouldn't shoot any of you kids either because that's a waste of good ammo. It would also accomplish NOTHING at all. So fuck off with that shit!

RT: But...

Me: But nothing, you lower form of life! You are not a threat and thus, are not something I feel a need to exterminate, even if you are currently making yourself a pest! Besides, what self-respecting Paisan is going to discuss family business with someone outside of the Family? *Starts rolling eyes, muttering/cursing under breath in English and Italian as I walk away...*

And that is how you get rid of one ridiculous fear and replace it with another that can actually work to your advantage, if you're a good enough actor. Kinda sad that I would have to gaslight at least half of the kids in school but, they put themselves in that position. All I did was decide that it's better to rule in Hell when it becomes obvious that you aren't welcome in Heaven.

- Lord Publius