Why the Friend Zone is EVIL

Yeah, I would find a video of a hot, bisexual, redheaded nerd chick talking about THE FUCKING FRIENDZONE... among other things...

Ladies, the 'Friend Zone' is BULLSHIT. I'm not going to talk about how I have been put there a few times. There's no need. Every guy has been there before. All that I ask of you ladies is that you be honest with us from the start. Don't leave any ambiguity with whether or not we have a chance. If you know we don't, find a tactful way to tell us.

All that being said, I think I might have kinda-sorta put someone in this 'friend zone' once without even realizing it at the time. She wasn't really my friend, though. She was someone that was associated with people I once called friends years ago in high school and college. It happened because I didn't really know how to tactfully and respectfully reject her without hurting her feelings. I don't like doing that when it can be avoided. Even worse, I knew about this person's feelings for several YEARS before she told me. So, how did this happen? Well, allow me to tell you the story of a sad little lost soul that we shall refer to as 'LD'...

I sure hope that I don't look and sound like an asshole for telling this story...

The story of this person starts while I'm in High School, circa 1998 or 1999. I can't remember which. At the time, LD was part of the group of people that were always around me. I hesitate to call them 'friends' since I didn't really speak to many of them. For a time, LD was dating someone I called a friend at the time. We'll call that guy HJ. The courtship didn't last more than a month or two, as I recall.

Anyway, LD tried to engage me on plenty of occasions. I thought she was trying to be friendly to the friends of her boyfriend. That does make logical sense. You want to get along with your significant other's friends and family, right? The only one of these conversations that I remember now was her trying to invite me to a birthday party. I made no commitments since I was pretty darned anti-social at the time. Also, no one knew it then but, I was about to distance myself from that little clique. I decided most of them were losers for one reason or another and didn't want to associate with them anymore. The ones that were worth keeping around were kept and the rest were forgotten.

During the summer of 1999, HJ called me on the phone. During the conversation, he mentioned that LD wanted to date me. I don't remember exactly what was said but, I flatly rejected the idea. There was no attraction at all. Fast forward a few years to 2008 and LD managed to find a way back into my general presence. HJ did on occasion too and demonstrated why I was right to push him away years earlier. I guess the two of them entering my life again in some small way was partially my fault. I didn't get rid of everyone from that High School clique and I still haven't to this day. There are 2 of them that are still friends of mine. They actually made something of themselves so, I like having them around. The rest didn't and I don't know where they are or what they are doing now. That is really for the best. Right or wrong, people will judge you based on the company you keep.

So, at that point in time, 2008, I was in my last year of college and looking forward to becoming a success in life. The social clique I had at that time wasn't really doing much to move their lives forward. I was taking practical steps to improve my life and they were working dead-end jobs and trying to get on American Idol. No, I am not making that up or exaggerating at all. There sole ambition in life was to get on a TV singing competition, hoping that it would lead to a musical career. Musical careers are a long shot, even if you have talent.

On Friday (and sometimes Saturday) nights, we'd all meet at a local bar where they'd sing karaoke. I didn't sing but, I did enjoy some of the performances. Some of them could actually sing rather well. LD somehow managed to work her way into this group. I'm guessing she got in touch with them through MySpace or Facebook. She tried engaging me in conversation and had more luck this time around. Lord Publius in 2008 was nowhere near as anti-social as Lord Publius in 1999. After all, what harm is there in talking to someone and actually being social?

The conversations weren't very 'deep', I guess you could say but, I wasn't exactly expecting a debate on temporal mechanics, either. Some of it was just trying to catch up with me and telling me about what she had been doing with her life. She also tried convincing me that her musical tastes had changed to something I would like, namely starting to embrace Hard Rock and Metal instead of listening to Country. Nice try LD but, it was never going to work. Under most circumstances, I don't care about someone's musical tastes. She also made a lot of mistakes in telling me some really personal things, like how she had a baby with some guy that was a total loser. I've met this person too. He wasn't exactly the kind of guy I'd want to follow behind.

One night at this bar, I stepped outside for fresh air. I probably wanted to avoid having to listen to a bad singer too. That happened a lot. LD followed me outside along with a few others. The others smoked a cigarette and then went back inside. I think smoking in bars was legal in Louisiana at that time but, some places would still ban it anyway. I think that particular establishment was one of them. LD was once again talking to me while smoking a cigarette (which is enough to turn me off by itself since I'm a non-smoker) but, I probably wasn't paying much attention. I had no interest in even knowing her. Most folks would take the hint when you ignore them but, this one didn't. Something tells me that she had some serious social issues that were undiagnosed and/or untreated. I seem to unwittingly attract those kind of people since they see me as someone on the outside who doesn't even care about participating in society. Being an outsider and not caring about it probably makes me look like some kind of hero to them. The truth is that I just prefer to dispense with the bullshit that NT's often tolerate and make my life and social contributions much more productive and relevant. Creatures of Logic are not likely to do something that seems ridiculous just because everyone else does these things. I really should someday write a post that debunks the myths about those of us that have Asperger's Syndrome...

So, the course of conversation somehow drifts back to her love life, a conversation that I really did NOT want to have with anyone at that time. She told me that she had feelings for me in High School, even while she was dating HJ. What she didn't know (and that I never told her) was that I already knew of those feelings because of HJ telling me in 1999. I didn't say anything to her. I didn't know how to respond, let alone how I could respond without hurting her feelings. The conversation ended a few minutes later when she finished her cigarette and went back inside. I stood outside for a few minutes longer, wondering how I was going to deal with this scenario.

Over the course of time, she kept trying to ingratiate herself to me. I kept acting the same: not showing any real interest. Most would get the idea and just stop but, this one wouldn't. One night at that bar, I was playing with a new iPod Touch that I won in a contest. She was going on and on about something from her personal life and trying to get my attention. It was proving to be a rather annoying distraction. After a while, I just blurted out 'LD, I just don't care!' thinking that would shut her up. Instead, everyone at the table just laughed and she said 'Only you, Publius.' At this time, no one knew I was an Aspie. They had no idea that I was being quite serious and that I really didn't care about whatever it was she was trying to tell me.

Sometime later that summer, I got annoyed with that group and just drop-kicked all but two out of my personal life. I never did see LD again. She tried to add me on Facebook a few times but, I would always reject her. After repeated attempts, I just blocked her. It got to a point where I didn't even feel comfortable talking to her on the Internet, let alone anywhere else. I wouldn't call her a 'Stage-5 Clinger' but, she did leave me feeling pretty uncomfortable.

Since then, I have always wondered if I did the right thing in not telling her that I was uninterested. Did I lead her on without realizing it at the time? Did I unwittingly give her false hope? I guess I'll never know... What I do know is that this poor soul was trying to reach out to me and I just didn't care. I had no regard or interest in this person's feelings about me or anything else. However, she probably somehow still thought I was her friend or something similar. Blame it on the Asperger's if you want but, it still seems a bit cold.

So, as you can see, the 'Friend Zone' doesn't feel so good when the proverbial shoe is on the other foot, either. (I am also assuming that you, my dear reader, have a conscience.) This social concept should be avoided at all costs and made to be considered unacceptable in civilized society. It causes a lot more problems than it could ever solve.

- Lord Publius