I once thought about having a comedy career...

I once thought about having a stand-up comedy career. Lord knows I have more than enough crazy stories to use for material, especially after being in the Army for a few years. However, I don't think that's a good idea anymore. Not only is there no guarantee that it would make a decent living (that's Show Business for ya), it's also filled with a lot of truly damaged people.

Somehow someway, the universe saw fit to make sure I find the one serious article on Cracked.com through my Facebook newsfeed, and it's about why comedians off themselves.

Yes, it was inspired by Robin Williams committing suicide yesterday. (And why must one of the more frequently felt emotions that I do manage to have as an Aspie just have to end up being sadness and loss?) And it details something that I already knew but never wanted to admit: comedians are the social misfits. They use humor to both get positive attention and mask their pain. Aspie or not, I have no trouble empathizing with that one. I did that too on occasion. Although, I was probably very dark and scary to most of the other kids by the time that I got to High School. Regular teenagers are often moody. I was not even close to being a regular teenager. What humor I did express was often very sardonic in nature. (And it still is...)

Anyway, the part of the article that stuck out the most for me was the description of Chris Farley's last days. When I heard of his death, I thought he was just another Hollywood person that partied a little too much. Boy, was I wrong...

"Farley partied for four straight days, smoked crack and snorted heroin with a call girl, then took her back to his apartment. When they argued about money, she got up to leave. He tried to follow but collapsed on the living room floor, struggling to breathe. His final words were 'Don't leave me.' She took pictures of him, stole his watch, wrote a note saying she'd had a lot of fun, and left. He died alone."

You're life is pretty fucking sad if you die begging a Crack Whore not to walk out on you.

I should probably be less judgmental of people who commit suicide, which I have always associated with weakness. Why let the bastards who torment you win by making you quit the game of life?

However, there are some people who were always going to have a bad end. For example...

Yet another example of my sick and twisted sense of humor... I really shouldn't be laughing at this...

Kurt Cobain is probably my generation's best example of famous people who are secretly miserable and choose to end it all. Like anyone else who was 12 years old when he died, I was rather shocked and confused. I was a lot less shocked and confused when I started reading the lyrics to various Nirvana songs. (And I swear that I *DON'T* have a gun...)

I became rather pissed off at him over the years but, not because his death ended a band that I liked as a child. I was pissed at him because he orphaned a very young child. Who knows what his daughter Francis Bean is like these days... Dead Rock Star that committed suicide for a father, crazy whore for a mother, LOTS of unwanted media attention for her entire life because of her mother and father...

Still, I might have been a little too harsh. As fucked up as Kurt was, it really shouldn't have been any surprise that he would come to a bad end. Being a Manic-Depressive fighting a losing battle with heroin addiction and married to an emotionally damaged psycho hosebeast like Courtney Love was reputed to be must have made death seem preferable. At least he left a lot of money and property behind to his daughter. A lot of other people who orphan their children that way usually don't leave them anything at all.

All that being said, Suicide is still wrong and a terrible waste. There are alternatives and help available. No one should have to take that coward's way out...

- Lord Publius