Why 'The One' doesn't actually exist...

There is no such thing as 'The One'.

By 'the One' I'm talking about this idea that there is one person on this Earth that was specifically made just for you. Anyone who took a statistics class should already know that's preposterous and impossible but, I suspect many of my readers didn't take that class. (Or, simply don't remember anything from it anymore...)

I won't use any math here. I want this to be readable. So, I'll use a more 'simple logic'-style approach.

The idea seems to have a religious component. Many of the folks who subscribe to this idea all think that God made that special someone specifically for them. That would mean that God would have to personally intervene in your life, which he doesn't seem to do. (And please, don't bring miracles into the discussion. That will be another post for another time.)

In order for this idea to be plausible (let alone work), He'd have to steer you to the person you were made for and there's no evidence to support that idea at all. Of course, the Faithful rarely ask for any kind of evidence. That's why I find organized religion to be a generally bad idea. And no, that doesn't mean that I think God is a fairy tale. God is simply very different from whatever we think He is...

One thing I am sure of though is that He's a busy man. Even if he can micro-manage things to the point where he's playing celestial matchmaker, he'd probably rather not. That's why every creature in existence obeys the various physical Laws of Nature that He created. That way, the Universe (from our perspective at least) is largely autonomous and operates on its own like a well-oiled machine without much divine intervention.

That, and the odds would not be in your favor if there really was only one person for you. The world is a pretty big place and there are over 7 BILLION people here on Earth. How would you ever find 'the One' in that huge crowd? How would you know her when (and if) you meet her? If anyone can answer those questions, please do. And don't resort to that intellectually lazy fallback position and say 'God works in mysterious ways' or something similar. His ways only seem mysterious to you because Humans don't (and probably can't) understand him.

So, if 'the One' doesn't actually exist, then, what is really going on?

Science might have an answer. we've already discovered that most primate species are fairly promiscuous. You can also tell from your own love life that there are many people that will seem like 'the One' for a while. After all, most people will not marry their first love. Even if you did, there's no guarantee that marriage won't end in a divorce. The only real guarantee that you have in life is that it will eventually end. So, don't worry about chasing a fairy tale. Live life to the fullest and enjoy it while you can.

Based on my own observations, I suspect there are actually many different people you could be happy with and they are all over the place. Finding them can be a challenge but, many options out there offers better odds than just one single individual. This also may be why everyone has a 'type' of person they're attracted to and various types they don't fancy. Deep down, we know that 'the One' is Bullshit and we're trying to come up with multiple options.

And those types can change with time. As a teenager, I was madly in love with a blonde who had the sweetest disposition of anyone I had ever met, second only to, perhaps, my maternal grandmother. Nowadays though, I'm all about the Redheads and the occasional brunette. That preference can change again someday too. There's no way to tell when, why or how.

That is how it should be, too. Variety is the spice of life and we didn't get to be the dominate species on Earth by just having ONE romantic partner in life. If God really only wanted you to have one partner in life, he would have made it easy to find the one you were destined to mate with for life. Since He didn't seem to do that, I'm forced to conclude, based on all available evidence, that 'the One' is just another fairy tale Humans created. I'll admit, it is a very appealing fairy tale that plays us all for a sucker at least once in our lives (like it did to me with that blonde back in my adolescence, who is still one of my best friends) but, it still isn't real.

Also, call me crazy if you want, but I don't believe any life-long relationship of mine with a woman should have to depend on God and/or the Universe to specifically design us for each other. God shouldn't have to steer us towards one another, either. Give yourselves some credit, folks. As a species, we are capable of reason and free choice. You don't need an outside force to find the perfect mate for you. You can find and make your own by being the person that others want to have around and insisting that they do the same for you. Love may act on the brain like a drug but, it should not dominate your life like one. Above all else, Love is a partnership. Treat it like one and work together to keep it strong. Then, by the time you're both old and gray together, you'll realize that 'the One' was never something God or the Universe made for you. You made it for yourselves.

Lovingly yours,



Lord Publius

P.S. Is it weird that Pandora was playing so many damned love songs while I was writing this piece? It certainly feels that way...