The messaging is clear: It makes no financial sense for movies that cost hundreds of millions to make to be released online only. But NATO’s announcement assumes that the theater industry can return to normal when the pandemic abates. For a sense of what the U.S. might face once the outbreak begins to slow, look to China: The country is only now beginning to reopen theaters after closing them in January. Even as new cases of the coronavirus have rapidly declined and the government has begun to ease social-distancing rules, citizens have so far been reluctant to go back to theaters. The 507 theaters open on Saturday (about 5 percent of the country’s cinemas) made only $4,355, according to Deadline. That’s just a few dollars per theater.
I don't want to see movie theaters go away for good. However, this could also be a golden opportunity for the industry. For years now, the quality of service has gone down while ticket and concession prices have gone through the roof. That's not exactly a recipe for success in any market or industry. However, all hope is not lost. When the pandemic ends, they can get business back by doing the 5 following things:
1.) Significantly cut their prices.
It shouldn't cost me nearly $20 for a ticket to a Matinee showing with my college student discount. That is ridiculous. With prices like that, you'd think they were charging me to see a sex tape featuring the latest leading Hollywood actress. And no, I do NOT want to see something that disgusting, folks. Believe it or not, I don't like hardcore pornography. The acting is never believable and the cinematography in those flicks are always shit.
Also, about those concession prices... Yeah... On what planet does it actually cost anywhere near $20 to buy a bag of popcorn, large soda and box of Milk Duds? And you wonder why people load up on snacks at Dollar Tree (which is open during this epidemic since they are considered an essential retailer) and sneak them in via a purse, large pockets of a jacket, hoodie, etc.
By the way, Dollar Tree just so happens to sell many different candies you can get from movie theater concession counters, including Milk Duds. So, yeah... I'm definitely going to be sneaking my candy in with me. If the theater is lucky, they MIGHT get me to spend $4.75 on a large soda that probably cost them less than a buck to bring to market. However, I wouldn't bet on it... That is the kind of highway robbery that loses business and gets angry customers calling the Better Business Bureau and/or Federal Trade Commission. Knock that shit off, movie theaters.
2.) Act like they give a shit about customers.
I don't remember the last time I had a *good* experience dealing with a movie theater employee. Do you? Also, I hate how you always get cattle-penned into these long, twisting lines when waiting to go see a highly-anticipated new release. That's another good reason why I've been to the movies only once in the last 2 years. And there were a few movies I would have liked to go see, too. However, since theaters are so expensive and have such poor service, I just waited for the home video and Netflix releases.
3.) Insist that Hollywood actually produce movies that people want to see.
The comic book movies do great business. That's why Hollywood insists on making so many of them. However, everything else they make suffers. Everything else they make also doesn't seem to get anywhere near as much advertising, either.
Simply put, not everyone is a comics fanboy that will gladly spend their money watching one super hero flick after another. I want something else. More Star Trek movies, slasher flicks and some GOOD action movies will get my butt into a movie theater seat. I might even pay extra to see the film in 3D, if it's good enough. I did it for the 2009 Star Trek film. I saw that film in theaters a whopping SIX times between 2009 and 2011, thanks to matinee and special midnight showings. That is how powerful a good movie can really be. It was so entertaining that I would go to the theaters to watch it even after seeing it multiple times and having it on home video already. Speaking of which...
4.) Replay some old favorites that I might not have on streaming services and/or home video.
After all, the last time I went to a movie was in October of 2019. What did I see? a 40th anniversary re-showing of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I've seen the movie countless times and have several versions of it including...
- A 'Special Longer Version' on VHS
- Director's Edition on DVD
- Original theatrical release on Blu-Ray in a collection with all the films featuring the Original Series crew.
- The novelization
- The 20th Anniversary re-release of the soundtrack on CD
- The comic book.
It doesn't have to be just films that appeal to nerds like me, either. How about bringing back holiday comedies around Christmas time? I'd much rather see National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on a big screen instead of the quickly forgotten schlock that Hollywood tends to put out for Christmas every year. At least Christmas Vacation is actually funny!
5.) Go to someone besides Hollywood for movies.
I personally would like to see more foreign and independent films, just for the sake of some variety. Did the Hollywood studio system create slasher flicks like Halloween and Friday the 13th? How about Kaiju movies? NO! It was independent filmmakers and the Japanese film industry that gave us Michael Myers, Pamela Voorhees, her son Jason and Godzilla.
Besides, Hollywood allowed themselves to get boring and predictable by abusing tropes about as badly as Harvey Weinstein abused numerous aspiring actresses. (Yes, I went there.)
Thanks to tropes like the hero's journey becoming so well known, I don't even need to see the latest epic comic book movie anymore. I already know how the story is going to pan out. HOLLYWOOD NEEDS TO BECOME CREATIVE AGAIN. The way to do that is to give them serious competition.
- Lord Publius
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