Sometimes Hilarious (and often NSFW) Gamer Girl Memes

These are just for fun. DO NOT get your (possibly proverbial) panties in a twist. Trust me, if you do, I will NOT give a flying fuck...

'Chestpiece' tattoos RUIN titties. Do NOT get them, Ladies.

ESRB ratings, as pictured by a Hentai image? (Seriously, WTF is with that AO image at the bottom?! Damned Japanese and their weird fetishes!!!)

No wonder XBOX can't sell in Japan... [/Facepalm]

Female versions of the Robot Masters from Mega Man Powered Up for PSP... If you decide to FAP to this, I really, really do not care to know...

Some gamer girls are kinda weird...

I don't mind her getting ass prints on my systems... As long as she cleans them off after the photoshoot...

Actually, there is no hope here. I have never played D&D...

Jessica Nigri dressed up in costumes that make her look like a real-life version of the main character in Lollipop Chainsaw... [/FAP]

What old ladies must think about this franchise, which I admit that I know nothing about...

John Travolta was right to shoot her...

Character modeling has come a long way...

Nice dress...

And that is all you had to say, dear...

Zoe Quinn, the Lolita that has ruined game journalism... The guy she was fucking must have been a really lonely nerd because I am just NOT seeing what makes her so special. And yes, I have seen a few of the nude photos of her floating around online. I purposely decided NOT to include them here...

And finally...

Zoe Quinn & Anita Sarkeesian are an embarrassment to women everywhere. The game industry as a whole needs to send these two socialist shills packing and grow their balls back. Unless you're talking about a truly awful game like Custer's Revenge, which featured a woman getting raped by the player's character, then there is no abnormal amounts of sexism in games.

Here in the First World, women already are equal under the law and have been for a long time. Try bringing Feminism (and I mean the real Feminism from the 1970's that actually strove for female equality and not misandry) to parts of the world that need it, like China and Saudi Arabia. Women actually are being oppressed and horrifically victimized in those places. I'm sure they'd love some help.

- Lord Publius

Good Star Trek games on consoles and portables

Good Star Trek games on consoles and portables

A while back, I read a Top 10 list featuring the best Star Trek games. I don't normally care what lists like this say but, there was one thing that stuck out for me with this one: All the titles on the list were PC games. Where were the console and portable games? They weren't there! So, I decided to write a list of my own. This list is based on my personal experience with Star Trek games. I didn't include ones I haven't played, even if they're popular.

Star Trek: Strategic Operations Simulator (Atari 2600)

It's a port of a vector-based arcade game that SEGA released in 1983. It plays the same as it's arcade counterpart. It's nowhere near as impressive as the arcade original or the ports for more advanced consoles like Colecovision & Atari 5200. However, for an Atari 2600 game, it's easily one of the most spectacular titles ever made for the system. (Not to mention one of the few 1st person games on the system...)

In this game, you fly around, fighting Klingons, protecting starbases and refueling at said starbases. This continues until you run out of fuel/get destroyed by the Klingons. Like all Arcade/Atari games of that era, there was no real end goal. You were just trying to get the highest possible score. It's simplicity is what gives it the ability to illicit such bliss. I highly recommend this game for ANY system on which it can be found.






Star Trek - The Next Generation (NES)

Ever wanted to pretend like you were Captain Picard and command the Enterprise on a series of missions? Well, this game will actually have you play a Starfleet Academy cadet on a holodeck, being trained by Captain Picard. You still get to fly the Enterprise in a number of often dangerous missions, though.

The missions do get a bit repetitive after a while (especially after you beat the Borg) but, this is still easily the best 1st person simulation title on the NES. It's also the most graphically impressive NES game that I have ever seen. This title was easily a LOT better than the TNG game on Genesis (which I own and will get to later) and the one on SNES.

Star Trek - 25th Anniversary (Game Boy)

The reviews I've read on this title complain about the graphics being very sparse. It's also short enough to beat in an hour or two if you know the game really well. To those critics, all I can say is what did you expect? It's a Game Boy game. Considering the system's limitations, I'd say the programmers did a good job.

It's actually 2 games in 1; a side-scroller when piloting the Enterprise in space and top-down action when leading an away team on a planet's surface. The away missions get tedious and lack music. The side-scrolling in space is a lot more fun, albeit a bit repetitive sometimes. You get to fly through 2 kinds of asteroid fields, a giant space amoeba like the one in a TOS episode called The Immunity Syndrome, Klingons, Romulans, Tholians and, eventually, the Doomsday Machine.

The space missions also feature music that uses melodies from various episodes of the Original Series. Small touches like that show that the programmers were true fans. It would have been easy (and quite common at the time) to have just used some kind of stock music but, not with this game.

There aren't many 3rd-party Game Boy games that have actually stood the test of time for me but, this surely is one of them.

Star Trek - The Next Generation: Echoes from the Past (SEGA Genesis)

The graphics and sound are spectacular for the Genesis. Even the opening title sequence for the game will give hardcore Trekkies a geekgasm. The amount of detail put into the game is quite impressive. What kills this game though, is the level design. It tends to get confusing at times. You'll need a map of the away-team levels. Otherwise, it can get really tedious.

I give this game at least an honorable mention, if not saying it's actually good.











Star Trek Starfleet Academy - Starship Bridge Simulator on SNES (Also on SEGA Genesis 32X)

This game is very common and cheap but, still a great space combat simulator. Loved the recreations of famous battles from the TOS-era Movies.

The PC version that would be released sometime after this title in 1994 was much more detailed and elaborate. However, if you don't have that version, this one will do. I recommend using the Super Advantage joystick when playing this one.





Star Trek - Tactical Assault on DS (and PSP)

This is one of the VERY few Strategy games that I have ever tried and also the ONLY one that I have enjoyed. The fact that it was a Star Trek game wasn't even the reason why. This game was able to get me interested in a strategy game because it has simple controls. I wish more strategy (and RPG) games would offer simple controls...

Also, I particularly enjoy the skirmish mode, where I can set up a battle between up to 4 vessels in 5 different environments. You can relive classic battles from the TOS movies (since this game is based in or around 2284) or set up battles we all wanted but, never got. Like the Constitution Class Refit fighting a Klingon K'Tinga Class Battlecruiser.



- Lord Publius

People and the world do not care... and this is actually good

I'm just gonna give it to ya straight, folks. The world and the people in it do not care if you are a good person. They only care about what you can do for them. No one wants to be associated with a person that is useless/a drag on their resources. The tree is always judged by its fruit.

This is why you don't usually stay friendly with people you used to date once the relationship ends.

This is why most don't donate to charity, unless you're just getting rid of clothes that no longer fit or you're looking for a tax write-off.

This is also why you typically never get freebies of any kind from a company, including a gas station letting you use their bathroom, unless you buy something from them.

This is also why you can't get a date with that certain someone that gets you hot and bothered.

This is also why you refuse to date that person you think is a loser, even if they have the hots for you and you can take advantage of them.

This is why you don't talk to the people you hung out with in High School. (No, Social Media doesn't count.)

And in all brutal honesty, that is the way it should be too. Why should ANYONE waste their resources (especially their time) on you just because you exist? Even if you do acts of charity because it makes you feel good, you are still benefiting from that action. You made yourself a little happier, which is good. Also, please don't tell me you did it purely for other people. You didn't. You did it because helping others was something you wanted to do. Besides, less poor people means less tax dollars going into the social safety net. That is something that benefits us all.

So, if you want to be liked, loved or successful at whatever, you must make yourself someone that is actually likeable, lovable and capable of being a success. Nothing will be handed to you in life and you will often go way out of your comfort zone. Various social institutions like church and the government aside, Nature doesn't believe in giving people a handout. Nature knows all too well that you'll stop bothering to do anything for yourself, develop unrealistic expectations and quickly make yourself useless.

Don't give me any crap about how you shouldn't have to change this or that or whatever. Life is all about change and that includes you. Humanity is the one species in the known universe that can't abide stagnation. Change is at the heart of what we are and that change never stops. Move with the flow or get swept away.

- Lord Publius

The Problem With Heavy Metal Is NOT Metalheads

A few months ago, I found a video from a YouTuber named 'Sargon of Akkad'. In that video (which is below), he takes on the Communist Bastards calling themselves 'Social Justice Warriors' and just plain shits all over them for unfairly criticizing Heavy Metal. Naturally, this guy got himself a new subscriber in me after watching/listening to this video.



If the 'Social Justice' fags honestly think they can use their non-sensical pseudo-journalism to drive a wedge in the Metal community (like they try with mainstream society) then, they VERY clearly do NOT understand Metal. Hell, this shit didn't work with video games so, why do you think you can somehow have any luck with the Music of the Gods?


Metal is so contrarian and offensive for a reason: It's because we think most other people are retarded/psychotic apes and want NOTHING to do with them.


\m/O_O\m/

- Lord Publius

Why the 'PC Master Race' will never destroy consoles & portables

Some PC gaming enthusiasts think that their platform of choice will someday render consoles and dedicated portables obsolete. This view is wrong for the following reasons:

1.) Consoles and Portables are cheaper than Gaming quality PC's.

Let's break it down via manufacturer. I did not bother citing sources by providing hyperlinks for the prices I found. They are likely to change fairly often and the links wouldn't be all that helpful. All prices were found online on 10 March 2015.

MICROSOFT

XBOX 360 - According to Wal-Mart's website, various bundles are being sold for $180-250

XBOX One - $500 AT LAUNCH, recently reduced to $350.

SONY

PS3 - Anywhere from $140 to $275, depending on HDD size, game bundles and whether or not the system is new or used.

PS4 - $400

PS Vita - $200, maybe a little more or less, depending on the source. May have pack-in game or not.

NINTENDO

WiiU - $300

New 3DS - $200 at launch

3DS XL - $200

2DS - $130

CASH NEEDED FOR HALFWAY DECENT GAMING PC - $600, IF YOU BUILD IT YOURSELF.

So, I can build a PC for $600 that will be decent for playing games for MAYBE a year or so before needing a potentially expensive hardware upgrade. Or, I can buy any of the 5 consoles and/or 4 portables being supported right now and get many years of enjoyment from new releases on newer consoles or rather impressive back catalogs for older ones like PS3 & XBOX 360. Keep in mind that all of Nintendo's current hardware offerings are also backward-compatible with the original Wii and DS, giving me thousands more choices that I will probably not get anywhere else. And ALL of the current consoles and portables are anywhere from $200 to $400 less than the PC and are pretty much ready to go straight out of the box. PC's might have better graphics but, cost-wise, they are at a tremendous disadvantage here.

2.) PC games are a pain in the ass to get working, compared to consoles and portables.

PC games require installation, configuration and making sure you have the right video/sound cards, processor, drivers, etc. etc. etc. And God help you if you are trying to get an older PC game to work on a newer version of Windows. :/

Other than downloading updates for games on the 7th and 8th Generation devices, Consoles and portables don't have that problem.

3.) Despite what some people think, cell phones and tablets are not going to replace portables and consoles.

And no, the recent announcement that Nintendo will be releasing titles on smartphones doesn't counteract this talking point. Their AAA material (and HUGE back catalog of hits) will always be released on their own proprietary hardware. The cell phone games are just going to be simple little things that are meant to drive people to buying their hardware and the games for that hardware. They've done these sort of things before. For example, the e-Reader accessory for the GBA. Most of the e-cards made for that accessory were all cards designed to add levels and items to games on the GBA or GameCube. The others were either really simple games like Kirby Slide, a re-release of the Game & Watch titles and some of the earliest NES titles.

4.) Physical copies of games are still the norm with consoles and portables. PC games are starting to be released only through download services like Steam.

Not everyone wants to use Steam. Physical copies are tangible and can be enjoyed for generations of the family or resold when you no longer want them. Digital copies, for now at least, cannot be traded or resold. That makes it rather difficult to get some of your money back by reselling a game you didn't like to a re-seller like GameStop, Amazon or Wal-Mart.

And no, game companies do not deserve a piece of the action when I decide to resell my games. Would GM be entitled to a slice if I decided to sell my long since paid-for Chevrolet? Of course not!

5.) Nintendo is NEVER going to release games on a platform that they don't control. MICROSOFT isn't likely to walk away from a business where they have significant marketshare, either.

So, that is ONE company that is always going to make it's own hardware rather than developing for Windows PC, MacOS, iOS, Linux or Android. They like having control over the hardware because that way, they will know exactly how to wring the most out of it for the best game experiences. If there is one hardware manufacturer around today that can keep consoles and portables alive, it would be Nintendo. They make a profit from virtually everything they produce.

To my knowledge, Microsoft has not made a single dime from the XBOX division. Sony makes money from their PlayStation division but, everything else they do is losing money right now. So, among the current crop of gaming hardware makers, Nintendo is the one in the best financial position to keep consoles/portables alive. That's also assuming that Microsoft doesn't decide to take more money from their other operations to keep funding the XBOX division, which I'm sure they would. XBOX gave them huge marketshare in console gaming and PC games have never been very profitable for them. Why would they walk away now when they've established themselves as a major player in the industry?

While we're on the subject, why are they *not* releasing a portable? Nintendo needs the competition and the PS Vita just isn't getting that job done right now.

- Lord Publius

Titles that I want to see AVGN review

The Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN) hasn't been releasing a lot of videos as of late. I know why, the show's creator/star, James Rolfe, has been busy with other projects. However, there are still MANY shitty games out there to review. So, I went through my massive collection and found a few genuine duds that deserve a good thrashing from the Nerd. I've also included a few titles I don't have anymore and a few that weren't bad but, would still be interesting to be seen reviewed.

Atari 2600

Cosmic Creeps
Journey Escape
Pac-Man
Space Jockey
Towering Inferno

Atari 7800

Karateka

Atari Jaguar

Club Drive

Mattel Intellivision (INTV)

Swords & Serpents
U.S. Ski Team Skiing
Utopia

Microsoft XBOX

Big Bumpin'*
Grabbed by the Ghoulies
Pocket Bike Racer*
Sneak King*

* = All of the Burger King games should be grouped together in their own episode.

Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

Alpha Mission
Code Name: Viper
Dragon Warrior
Elevator Action
Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II
Knight Rider
Little Nemo: The Dream Master
Platoon
Pro Wrestling*
Tag Team Wrestling*
Wizards & Warriors
WWF Wrestlemania Challenge*

* = All 3 of these should be combined into one episode, with the WWF game being the primary focus since it's one of the dreaded LJN games.

Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)

Beavis & Butt-Head (Also on Nintendo Game Boy, SEGA Genesis & SEGA Game Gear)
Mega Man Soccer

Nintendo GameCube

Rogue Ops (Also on PS2 & XBOX)
Space Raiders (Also on PS2)
Turok: Evolution

Nintendo DS

Space Camp

SEGA Master System

Double Dragon (Compare with the Atari 7800 and NES versions, if possible.)
Time Soldiers

SEGA Genesis

Ballz 3D
Eternal Champions
Sonic 3D Blast (Also on SEGA Saturn)
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Echoes from the Past (This game had a very good opening title sequence.)

Sony PlayStation

Iron Soldier 3
KISS Pinball
Sheep
Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace

Sony PlayStation 2

L.A. Rush
Star Trek: Encounters
Zathura

Sony PlayStation 3

Aliens: Colonial Marines
Brütal Legend
Resident Evil 6

Keep in mind that this list is just stuff from my own personal collection in my Game Room of DOOM, and a few I remember from years ago but, don't have anymore. There are bound to be numerous others just ripe for parody as well.

- Lord Publius

Irish jokes for St. Patrick's Day

In honor of everyone's favorite Catholic holiday-turned fabulous excuse to go out and get drunk...

Vacation

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.

Women & Whiskey

‘Wasn’t it tragic about my brother Michael,’ moaned Kelly. ‘Women and whiskey killed him.’

‘Is that so?’ sympathized O’Toole.

‘Yes, he couldn’t get either so he hung himself!’

Olives

An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave.

The bartender stops him and asks, “Excuse me but, what was that all about?”

The Irishman replies, “My wife sent me out for a jar of olives.”

The Lord works in mysterious ways...

An Irish priest is driving down a highway and is pulled over for speeding. The policeman smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle beside him. He asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

The priest responds, “No officer, just water.”

The policeman asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “The Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Flaherty's devilish wife...

Flaherty comes home drunk every evening, upsetting his wife. One night, she dresses as a red devil and hides in the cemetery to scare him when he walks by. Flaherty walks by drunk and his wife jumps up yelling, “Flaherty, if you don’t give up your drinking, you will go to Hell.”

Flaherty staggers back and demands, “Who the hell are you?”

She replies, “I’m the devil, you old fool!”

Flaherty responds, “Damn glad to meet you, ma'am, I’m married to your sister.”

BEST. FISHING TRIP. EVAR!!!

Pat and Murphy out fishing and the boat motor dies. After two days and drifting miles from the coast, they find a bottle in the water. Pat rubs the bottle and a genie poofs out.

“I will grant you one wish.” says the genie.

Without a thought, Pat says, “I wish to turn the sea into Guinness.”

The genie says, “Your wish is my command.” and the sea turns into Guinness.

Murphy yells at Pat, “You fool! Now, we’ll have to pee in the boat!”

Bringing the wife with you to the Pub...

A woman follows her husband to the pub and takes a sip of his Guinness and asks him, “How can you come here and drink this awful stuff?”

He cries out with a pained look on his face, “And you always said I was out enjoying myself!”

Drinking Buddies

Pat and Mike have been drinking buddies for years. One day, after having a few beers, Mike says to Pat, “We have been friends for years and, if I should die before you, would you do me a favor? I want you to get the best bottle of Irish whiskey and pour it over my grave.”

Pat replies, “I would be glad to do that for you, old friend, but would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?”

The BEST way to go...

Finnegan arrives at Mrs. O’Malley’s door and says, “I’ve something to tell you.”

“Where’s my husband?” asked Mrs. O’Malley.

“There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.” said Finnegan. “I’m sorry, Seamus is dead and gone.”

“Oh God, no!” exclaimed Mrs. O’Malley as she collapsed into a chair and wept.

“How did it happen?” she asked.

“He fell into a vat of Guineas and drowned.” Finnegan explained.

“Oh my dear Jesus! Did he at least go quickly?” Mrs. O’Malley asked.

“Well, no. He got out three times to pee.”

The Toast of the Evening...

Paddy Reilly hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”

So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking buddies in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub last night for a toast about you, Mary?”

She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”