Setting the record straight...

I need to set something straight here because someone, well, actually LOTS of people, have the wrong idea. This one person that inspired this post though has known me since High School. Yet, he seems to think that I'm some Bible-Thumper or some other 'typical Christian.' I'm not sure what that is but, it couldn't be further from the truth. So...

1.) The only reason I'd even use the phrase 'Non-denominational Christian' to describe any of my spiritual views is because I like the things attributed to Jesus in those 4 canonical gospels.

Essentially, they all boil down to 'Be polite, be nice and don't force your views on other people.' Or, in simpler language, DON'T BE A DICK.

That seems simple enough to me but, I find many people (including a great many folks who claim to follow that man's philosophy) just don't seem to get the idea. Such a shame...

2.) Many of the Atheists that criticize me keep using examples of 'bad Christian behavior', both contemporary and historical, that came from the Catholic Church. The only problem with that is that I AM NOT CATHOLIC.

In fact, there are many different forms of Christian churches and practices in this world. It's not like America where the choices seem to be largely either Catholic or some form of Protestant. What about the Greek and Russian Orthodox churches? Or how about Unitarians or the United Church of Christ? Why does no one ever assume that I'm part of one of those organizations? For that matter, why not assume that I'm one of those Jews who think that maybe, just MAYBE, that Jesus guy might have actually been the Messiah after all?

3.) Most 'Real Christians' would hate me because I am NOT one of them, either. Here's why...

a.) I don't go to church for years at a time. To get me to go, you have to drag me or bribe me with free food.

b.) I constantly question/criticize my own faith tradition and it's adherents as a way of making them think and keeping them honest. You could call that 'playing the Devil's Advocate.' They just get annoyed because I try to make them think. No wonder I don't like going to church very much...

c.) I routinely refer to the Vatican as 'the world's largest organized crime syndicate' and point out NUMEROUS examples of their bad behavior to back my claims.

The Counter-reformation, arbitrarily splitting the New World between Spain and Portugal, giving consent to Portugal to start the African slave trade, telling people they can't use condoms, etc. etc. etc. All of this is/was sanctioned by the Vatican at one point in time or another.

d.) I don't think that Mother Teresa was a good person at all.

She allowed a LOT of unnecessary suffering in her homes for the terminally ill. She thought it was good for the soul. She also accepted money from horrible dictators. Hardly sounds very Christ-like to me... Didn't Jesus go around relieving pain and suffering by healing lepers and people possessed by demons? (And I'm pretty sure those people supposedly possessed by demons were just suffering from mental illnesses and neurological problems like cerebral palsy.)

e.) I don't pay much attention to the Old Testament because I know that relates to the old Covenant that God supposedly had with the Jews.

Christians are supposed to have a different one because of the sacrifice on the cross. And that is why I don't have to pay attention to Jewish dietary laws and can eat Bacon to my heart's eventual attack/content. PRAISE JEEBUS!!!

I can't understand why they have a problem with me picking and choosing the parts of the Scriptures that I find relevant. They do it whenever it suits their purposes. For example, the mistaken belief that premarital sex is a form of adultery. Idjits... I'm going to put this in bold so that it will hopefully stick in their heads... ADULTERY IS CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TEENAGERS ALLOWING THEIR BIOLOGICAL URGES OVERRIDE THEIR (SUPPOSEDLY) BETTER JUDGMENT.

f.) Also, I got into the habit of not using the Latinized name 'Jesus Christ' because that wasn't the man's name. His name was Jeshua of Nazareth.

Also, 'Christ' is not a surname. It is a title. Specifically, it's the Greek equivalent to the Hebrew word 'Messiah', which means 'The Anointed One.' It would be more accurate to call him 'Jeshua the Savior' or something similar. However, when I point this out to people, they get angry. Why? I'm trying to help you here! You've probably been praying to a false idol all this time! :P

g.) Speaking of false idols, I don't pray to Saints. That Catholic practice (which a few other denominations also share) contradicts the 2nd Commandment: Thou shalt not worship false idols. And no, God does not need these Saints to filter through the many prayers he gets and decide which ones are worthy of a response. Being almighty means being able to go through your own divine inbox without the benefit of a secretary. Which leads us to...

h.) These so-called Christians seem to be very confused about my perception of God...

To me, He/She/It is an entity that is so infinitely more advanced than us that it is quite arrogant to think I'll ever understand Him. So, I regard Him as 'the Creator of all Things.' Many of the 'faithful' seem to think that definition is too nebulous and liberal. I can't see why. Do you honestly expect me to believe that he's some old man with a beard living in the sky and striking people down with a lightning bolt when they anger him? That sounds more like Zeus and Odin than the Holy Father. Try finding a verse in the Bible that describes God that way. I doubt you'll have any luck.

i.) I don't believe in the 'Fire and Brimstone' Hell because it's NOT even mentioned in the Bible.

It was something the Vatican made up in the Middle Ages as yet another Machiavellian means of social control. 'Put money in the plate or your gonna burn!'

To me, Hell, is non-existence. It means, as far as I can tell, that you go away for good once you shuffle off this plane of existence. Sadly, that depressing point of view is the one that seems to be advocated by virtually EVERY atheist I have ever encountered. Even if I could believe that there's no rhyme or reason as to why the Universe exists (and I don't since all the evidence I have seen points to a well-ordered plan of execution in its design), I would still reject that philosophy. It's depressing and there's no more evidence for or against it than the 'living in the clouds with God forever' kind of Heaven that some people swear is real.

j.) Speaking of Heaven, my opinion on that is pretty different too...

My idea is that you get to spend eternity doing whatever you enjoyed in life (or wanted to enjoy) forever with no negative consequences. I get to drive fast cars as fast as I want without getting a speeding ticket. I get to crank the stereo without hurting my ears. I get to screw LOTS of beautiful women without having to worry about surprise childbirths, STD's or broken hearts. That is Heaven for me. Heaven for you will be whatever your idea of Paradise is too. Doesn't that sound better than floating in the clouds forever or simply ceasing to exist?

3.) No, I don't believe much of anything the Bible says since I know most of it is just the opinions of various Hebrews that are long dead. Yes, I did read through it, too. Several versions, in fact...

It was one of the only books I was allowed to read in Basic Training and I had several versions to pick from so, I read them all. I contrasted and compared the different versions I had available to me. The message was generally the same but, some versions were much better than others. If anyone is looking for a *GOOD* English translation, I recommend the New International Version. The King James Version is total crap. I'm genuinely sad that I was coerced into using that version as a child instead of a good one like the New International Version.

Anyway, most of what you read in that compendium of books and open letters was not meant to be taken literally at all. You'd have to be nuts (or suffering from massive amounts of cognitive dissonance) to believe that the world was really made in 6 days or that the Great Flood actually happened. Also, by today's standards, St. Paul would probably be considered a woman-hating sexist and Chauvanist. Yet, most of the things associated with 'good Christian morals' these days came from those 14 letters of his in the New Testament. Thanks to the natural Neuro-typical tendency to NOT want to think for oneself, many will simply accept this because it was written in a book. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7 sometime if you want to know where the church got most of it's opinions on marriage and family structures. Yes, it's all the opinion of St. Paul. Not all of it is bad but, there are things in there that many would probably find unsuitable to their life here in the modern world.

4.) The Ten Commandments were authored by Moses and not 'God's finger' or a burning bush up on Mt. Sinai? Who cares? That's not the point.

The Hebrews needed a legal system. Being primitive people, having a legal system handed down to them by a supreme being was a pretty good way to create a sense of social order and civilization that they would follow. Moses knew that and that is why he did it, assuming he was real. There isn't any evidence that I know of to support the idea of a mass-exodus of Hebrew slaves from Egypt or said Hebrews wondering around in the desert for 40 years. It is possible that this evidence simply faded away over the last few thousand years but, it's also possible that the Exodus and 40-year exile never happened.

Despite that, rules that ban murder, theft, adultery and lying are not bad things at all. Criticize the first 3 Commandments all you want. I don't care. The ones that ban murder, theft, adultery and lying are quite beneficial.

Also, I seem to remember someone once sarcastically asking 'Why was there no Commandment against rape?' or something similar. How am I supposed to know? I never met Moses and had a chance to ask him. There are some rules about rape in the Laws of the Torah but, I'm not Jewish so, they don't apply to me and I don't care. I don't need a rule to tell me that rape is wrong. Jews don't follow those rules quite so strictly anymore, either. Being the sensible people they usually are, they know the world has changed and many of the Laws of Moses don't make sense here in the modern world.

Finally, I think it's important to note that the ancient Hebrews had a very different definition of rape. For us, it's forcing yourself on someone against their will. In that time, it was sleeping with a young maiden before getting her father's permission to marry her and then going through the whole marital process. To them, it was more about property theft (i.e. you're stealing the girl's virginity from her father) rather than assaulting and traumatizing another person. The 'punishment' for that crime was for the rapist to marry his victim, which makes me wonder who's really being punished. Still want there to be some ancient biblical rule about rape?

5.) I don't need anyone to try to tell me the 'real' history of any faith tradition, especially Judeo-Christianity. I have already read those history books... And the apocryphal books too...

I know how the books of the Bible got there. I know why the Apocryphal books were rejected, despite being popular with some churches of the ancient Roman world. I read them when I was a teenager. Rejecting some of those books was actually a good idea.

For example, the Book of Jubilees was rejected because it suggested that Cain mated with one of his sisters after being exiled for Abel's murder. The Vatican didn't want incest to ever become even remotely acceptable in society so, the book was banned. That is probably one of the few times I find myself agreeing with the Vatican's decisions without any reservation.

They also rejected a few books discussing Jesus's adolescence. Some of these stories portrayed Jesus acting like a moody teenager (perish the thought!) and others showed him using his divine powers to kill and then re-animate animals just because he could. They were worried that this would hurt his image. I don't share that idea. I think it makes him look like a young man trying to find himself in the world, just like any other man that has ever lived. This makes him more relate-able and Human. Remember, he was living as a mortal man on Earth at the time. The part about killing the dove and then re-animating it after adults chastised him... Well, that is kinda disturbing and I can see why the Vatican got rid of that book. However, if you were the Son of God and had power over life and death, wouldn't you be curious to see how it worked? At least it was an animal and not a person!

And for those who keep bringing up Revelations...

There were two Revelations at one point. One from St. John and one from St. Peter. As for why they chose The Revelation of St. John over that of St. Peter, I don't really know. I guess the Revelation of St. John sounded appropriately apocalyptic enough and, in the minds of the Bishops at Nicaea, every good religion needed an 'end of the world' story. John's probably sounded better than Peter's to them.

My issue with this book is that some people think that it was meant to be accepted as fact and/or prophecy. BULLSHIT. It was a story that John told based on a nightmare he had. Nothing more. Didn't Jesus himself say in the Gospels that 'You will never know the day or the way that the world will end'? I do seem to remember reading something like that SOMEWHERE...

6.) Religions (and the 'social control' they supposedly create/enforce) are Bullshit. Faith is all you need.

Never did I read anything anywhere attributed to either God or Jesus that says 'Thou must be part of Church A because being part of Church B - Z will get you sent to Hell.' That is another attempt at social control. This might be necessary for some (I guess) but, it was never necessary for me. I am one of those rare individuals that ALWAYS thinks for himself and carefully weighs the options before making decisions.

Speaking of 'social control'... Not a single one of you Neurotypical Mortali Inferiori seem to get that through your skulls; religious, atheist or whatever. You just freak out when you find out that I'm not one of you, then you try to chastise/marginalize me, thinking that will somehow rectify the situation. Wrong again. Like any other time in my life, all you did was make me even more defiant. Even those who didn't believe in God still came to believe in a devil after they started pushing that button with me.

You're no more capable of getting me to conform to anything than I am to get some of you to think with logic instead of emotion. Even those of you who claim to advocate logic and reason don't do a good job of it most of the time. You're still letting your emotions seep into the thought process, especially if someone has the audacity to challenge you. Then, when I get bored with that idiocy and start ignoring you, I'm all of a sudden trying to dodge a debate? Bullshit. I JUST HATE WASTING TIME. You make bad arguments based on assumptions of what you think is going on in my head and couldn't be more wrong because, paradoxically, you think that I share other people's opinions. Then, you insist on accusing me of being the 'typical whatever' when I point out the flaw in what seems to be your premise? Even people who have known me for years (and should definitely know better than that by now) keep making that same mistake. Whisky Tango Foxtrot? That is not cool. I wouldn't do that to any of you.

So, do what I think Jesus was trying to tell me to do in so many words: DON'T BE A DICK!!!

And finally... Probably my worst 'social sin'...

7.) I don't care what you believe...

And this probably makes so-called Christians hate me more than anything in the world. I never try to exercise my own form of social-control and try to force my beliefs on others. This probably scares them too since it flies in the face of what they thought was normal Human behavior. Normal for you, perhaps... I don't believe in being an asshole. Let alone starting Crusades, launching Counter-Reformations, fighting Holy Wars or telling clergy they can't have sex/marry/procreate. That is definitely NOT what this 'Jesus Christ' person so many keep talking about wanted you to do.

- Lord Publius