Anyway, I looked up Narcissism on Wikipedia just to get a refresher course on the subject. The only thing about it that I remembered was the tale of Narcissis staring at his own reflection until he fell into the pond and died. In the course of this 'research' (if you can call looking at a Wikipedia article a form of research), I discovered this: The 7 sins of Narcissism...
1.) Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
I don't feel ashamed about many things I've done in my life. I don't need to be, either. The things that I did feel ashamed about have already been dealt with a long time ago. Doesn't look like I'm committing this particular sin...
2.) Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
I know all too well that I am not perfect. This doesn't apply, either.
3.) Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may re-inflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
When excatly have I been known to be diminishing, debasing, or degrading anyone without good cause? (After all, there are a LOT of assholes in the world...) How often am I diminishing, debasing, or degrading anyone at all? If somebody can answer this one, please let me know.
As for arrogant behavior... Well, not quite. Being an Aspie, I simply don't reciprocate a lot of other people's feelings. Some folks mistake that for arrogance when it's not. The assclown that accused me of narcissism knew I was an Aspie but, I don't believe he really understands what's involved with that neurological condition. He most likely wouldn't care, either. All the more reason why I'm glad that I washed my hands of him...
4.) Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
I don't envy a lot of people for anything and I most certainly don't envy the guy accusing me of narcissism. I know a considerable amount about him and, despite my troubles, I'm still quite happy I've never marched a mile in his boots. That little boy is not well...
5.) Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
I have never heard of narcissistic injury or narcissistic rage before. I don't have much in the way of expectations from other people, either. More often than not, I simply just don't have ANY interaction with them at all. There usually isn't much of a need. There usually isn't much of a desire, either. Blame that on the Asperger's or having a shitty childhood or whatever you want. I don't care. Whatever the reason is, I don't feel entitled to anything other than what is legally mine. (i.e. My rights, my property, my privacy, et al.)
6.) Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
I'm not even sure what this one means. Is this supposed to mean that a narcissist would regard people as his slaves or some kind of untouchable? Being a white guy from the Deep South, I can promise you that I want nothing at all to do with any kind of slavery...
7.) Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.
Again, how would this apply to me? When have I ever treated someone as an extension of my will? Why would I treat someone as simply existing for my benefit? That is not very humane, Christian or in keeping with the spirit and values of our beloved Republic. All men are created equal right?
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Perhaps I should explain why this guy is accusing me of being a narcissist. This guy, who we'll call 'TAB', was a friend of mine while I was serving in Korea. I thought he was a good friend until one day he decided to hide my rifle from me while I was utilizing the Latrine. After that incident, I pushed him out of my life and never looked back. That was an absolutely unforgivable betrayal in my mind. He did try to make things right but, I didn't let him. He even tried knocking on my door at the barracks later that night. I didn't bother to answer.
Fastforward more than a year later, we are both serving in the State of Maryland at 2 different bases. He was at Ft. Meade and I was at Ft. Detrick. A mutual friend of ours, who I will refer to as 'BKD', was in my unit and asked me to give him a second chance. TAB was going to be tagging along while we went to a few clubs in downtown Baltimore. I was rather hesitant. Anyway, TAB insisted that he regretted the whole ordeal, changed, converted to Buddhism, et al. I don't think he was a good actor since I wasn't really convinced by that little speech. I didn't hear the sincerity in his voice. What I did hear was an undertone of a kind of 'go fuck yourself' kind of attitude. It reminded me of a car salesman.
Despite that, I did give him a second chance, at BKD's insistence. Normally, that never happens. I never mentioned the incident with the rifle again but, I didn't forget it, either. TAB never knew but, I was keeping a close eye on him. For about a year, everything was fine. Then, he started acting like an asshole. I wasn't liking what I was seeing so, I tested him with a harshly worded blog post that could piss off the Pope. There were plenty of clues in the text that should have told him that it was a test of his loyalty but, he didn't pick up on them. He reacted exactly as I thought he would and started being his true self: a bitter and cynical little shitbag who thinks he can tell other people how to live their lives. And yet, I'm supposed to be the one who's narcissistic here... Yeah... Right...
After deleting/blocking him from my social media accounts in the summer of 2013, I just forgot about him. Why bother wasting time thinking of old rubbish?
Fast-forward to April of 2014 and I am about to leave Detrick and return home to New Orleans for good. BKD starts acting like an asshole on Facebook too. By this point, he had already left Detrick and went back to Korea for his next assignment. Poor bastard... Anyway, he starts looking for ways to break my balls, thinking that he's being funny. He even went so far as to put 'lol' after all the shit he'd type, thinking that would make it better/permissible/whatever. Where do these people get their delusions? One day, he went a little too far and started talking smack about my romantic life, which he wouldn't know anything about anyway. I decided that was enough. He was blocked right there on the spot without a second thought. Even if you do break balls like that with your friends in person, it is NOT okay to do it in a public forum like the Internet.
Fast-forward a little later to May of 2014, and I'm back home in New Orleans. I go to a music group I created on Facebook to check on things and schedule a few posts. I see a message in the group's inbox from, of all people, TAB. Apparently, blocking someone from your personal profile does not block them from whatever group you created. That's good to know.
I wish I saved that message so I could re-post it here for everyone to laugh at because it was pretty damned pathetic. He was talking about how he was leaving the group because it turned to shit and calling me an asshole in several different ways. (Speaking of which, when did I say anything bad about either of their girlfriends? That was one of his baseless accusations.) I couldn't understand it all because of the insane rambling and poor grammar but, I did pick up on one thing towards the end. He talked about how I had a lot of nerve in getting rid of two people who once called themselves my friend. He was most likely talking about himself and BKD.
Well, I don't know what goes through this poor kid's twisted mind but, NO ONE is entitled to be part of someone's life. If you act like an asshole, you will lose friends. That is a fact of life that most people seem to figure out as children. Why does this guy not get that?
So, let's re-cap here shall we? This boy...
- Stabs his friends in the back... (i.e. hiding their rifles)
- Thinks he's entitled to something he's not...
- Obviously can't tell when I'm trolling him with a blog post designed to piss him off...
- Over-reacts to the troll, exactly as I thought he would...
- Loses his mind over something that doesn't have anything to do with him... (i.e. me getting rid of BKD)
Forget the Asperger's, social marginalization and all the rest of that jazz. I think the real reason why I don't call many people a friend is because most of them are sooner or later going to abuse the privilege.
- Lord Publius
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