Is being single something of a 'social trap' or is it just me?

I think society as a whole has failed me in a few ways. Also, I think it failed itself by not creating any kind of social mechanism for meeting potential dating partners. I wish I knew how to explain that one better but, I don't.

It's probably just me but, I have noticed that finding a good person to be your spouse/girlfriend/fuck buddy/whatever is exceedingly difficult for everyone. Why? Will I ever understand any of this stuff or am I just ill-equipped because of a neurological difference in my brain? I have observed that this is a purely qualitative area of life and that often reeks havoc for folks with a logical mind. Bummer...

Anyway, here are my two observations on the issue... Some of which may have been expressed in previous blog posts...

1.) Dating sites are a joke.

They really are. The video below discusses the heuristic algorithm that the dating site OKCupid uses to find potential matches for you. I used this site for a while. It never found anyone that really was a good match for me. To sum up the video, the algorithm tries to match you with people who have a common interest. Essentially, it's like one of your friends saying 'Well, you both like to go hiking/cook Italian food/whatever. Maybe you two will hit it off...'




That approach is not totally horrible but, it is a bit flawed. Having a common interest does indeed make for a good place to start but, it's not necessarily enough. What if she's part of a religion, political party or social group that I would find objectionable for some reason? For anyone who reads this blog regularly (or knows me personally) I'm sure you can imagine the scenario in your head already.

Dating site: Well, this person likes Star Trek and so do you. Maybe you should contact her.

Me: She's also a militant atheist, a Hardcore Democrat and freely admits to preferring abortion over childbirth. I'm not cool with that...

The dating site wouldn't suggest that person anymore after I click the button labeled 'not interested' and that is how it should be too. People however, are not always that easily managed. And that leads us to...

2.) Be VERY careful when trying to set up your friends with someone...

A few (now former) friends have tried to help me find a woman but, their efforts were not successful. Some of them weren't even asked for their help. They kept trying to steer me to the women they thought I deserved (i.e. the fatties, uggos,  psycho hose-beasts and others who are socially marginalized) rather than someone I might actually want. As you can imagine, that eventually led to the end of those so-called friendships. I don't miss any of them. Who the Hell do they think they are to try and tell me what I am going to do with my dick?

It's really quite simple. If the woman you're trying to steer me toward doesn't interest me, you should stop right away. I'm not going to waste that person's time (or mine) by dating them and letting them think something can develop when it most likely won't. I'd just be taking advantage of that person's loneliness and/or emotional weakness, which would make me a real Asshole. I will never purposely do that to anyone. Personal Honor and a clear conscience is ALWAYS preferable to relationships that I know to be a lie and/or using someone for sexual gratification. I am not putting them in the friend zone, either. That is just horrible.

This is not a matter of me having standards that are too high. My standards are neither too high or too low. The standards are just rather specific. Nor is this a situation where I might be 'looking for a Cadillac on a Chevrolet budget' either. Dating is supposed to be the social mechanism where you look for and try to acquire a mate/spouse. Therefore, you can expect that I will do my best to find the most compatible (and lovely) woman that I possibly can. NEVER Settle on something that's important. You'll only come to regret it in the end. Besides, I know there are women out there with a similar mentality/intellect. It's just a matter of finding one...

All is not completely lost, though. I do have at least 1 or 2 friends that would help in this endeavor who would also have my complete confidence. Unfortunately, they aren't able to help right now. One of them is busy raising a family and taking care of a baby she had recently and the other doesn't know any single people anymore. Ugh! Dating in your 30's really sucks... :/

- Lord Publius