Games I want for a N64 Classic Edition

Nintendo claims that they won't do a Classic Edition of the N64, like they did with the NES & SNES. They claim that the NES Classic was just a one-off designed to give Nintendo something to sell during a holiday season since the WiiU wasn't selling well. Personally, I don't care what they claim. Money talks and bravo sierra walks. In my mind, it's only a matter of time. Both the NES Classic & SNES Classic sold entirely too well and Sony completely screwed up with their PS1 Classic Edition during Holiday 2018. Unless SEGA or Atari can put out a truly stellar product in this area, it looks like Nintendo owns the market. In my opinion, they'd have to be complete fools to walk away from it now. After all, if the NES Classic was meant to just be a one-off, why did it get a sequel with the SNES Classic?

So, here's what I would do with a N64-Mini...

I.) HARDWARE DESIRES

- The miniaturized version of the console should be released in numerous different colors, just like the original N64 was in the late 1990's. I am particularly fond of the Ice Blue one. The Jungle Green model is pretty sweet too.

- Make it possible to play with 4 players, since that was one of the major selling points of the N64 console.

- Since many found it a bit awkward, I would advise Nintendo to NOT replicate the original N64 controller for this system. Use a clone of the GameCube controller instead. The GameCube controllers can handle N64 games without any trouble. I know this because of that Zelda collector's disc that Nintendo released for the GameCube in 2003. It had the 2 Zelda games for the NES & N64 on the disc. I prefer playing Ocarina of Time that way on the GameCube as opposed to the N64 original.

- Also Nintendo, would it kill you guys to make a controller for one of these Classic Editions that has some actual length to them?! Short cables for wired controllers is a no-go.

II.) GAMES I'D LIKE TO SEE ON THIS MACHINE

Each game that I picked has been split up into sections based on genre. Some genres are better represented on the N64 than others, but I believe I came up with good options for all of them

Adventure

Kinda slim pickings for this genre, but what other Adventure games would you play on the N64?

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Arcade Ports/Arcade-style Games

This genre got lots of love on the NES Classic Edition, but not so much on the SNES model. Fortunately, N64 still had an adequate supply of games in this genre.

Asteroids Hyper 64
Robotron 64
Star Soldier: Vanishing Earth

Fighting

This genre was practically unknown on the N64. With the odd controller that N64 had, that isn't a surprise. However, there were still a few quality titles to be found in this genre.

ClayFighter: The Sculptor's Cut
Killer Instinct Gold
Mortal Kombat 4
Mortal Kombat Trilogy
Super Smash Bros.

Flight Simulators

Another genre that was practically unknown on the N64. Thankfully, this genre was also another case of 'quality over quantity' for this classic console.

Pilotwings 64
Star Fox 64
Star Wars: Rogue Squadron

Platformers

This was a genre where the N64 truly excelled and there are many great titles to choose from here. However, I mostly stuck to the ones everyone remembers and loves. These, along with the Zelda games, are likely to be titles that sell the system to retro-gamers and people nostalgic for the N64.

Banjo-Kazooie
Banjo-Tooie
Donkey Kong 64
Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
Space Station Silicon Valley
Super Mario 64

Racing/Driving

Another genre where the N64 truly excelled. It was hard to narrow it down here. However, there is something for just about everyone. Regardless of whether you like racing cars, go-karts, motorcycles, jet skis, or futuristic hovercraft, this genre has something for you.

Cruis'n USA 
Diddy Kong Racing
Excitebike 64
F-Zero X
Mario Kart 64
Wave Race 64
Wipeout 64

Party/Puzzle games

I combined Party and Puzzle together because both of those genres are virtually non-existent on the N64. And most of the titles of those genres have the word 'Mario' or 'Tetris' in the title. Fortunately, some of those titles still hold up well.

Dr. Mario 64
Mario Party
Mario Party 2
Mario Party 3
Tetrisphere

RPG/Strategy

These two genres were N64's Achilles' Heel. The cartridge format's file size limitations made these kinds of games very difficult to implement on the N64. However, Nintendo still managed to create at least one memorable title in the two genres...

Mega Man 64
Ogre Battle 64: Person of Lordly Caliber
Paper Mario
Pokémon Stadium

Shooters

Another genre where the N64 truly excelled. Sony PlayStation and SEGA Saturn (LOL) never could compete with the N64 when it came to 1st person shooters. Sometimes, even the PC couldn't keep up with the N64 in this area.

Doom 64
GoldenEye 007
Perfect Dark
Pokémon Snap (It's an on-rails shooter)
Quake
Quake II
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter

Sports

N64 was rather weak with this genre as well. It had all the requisite football, basketball and baseball games you'd expect, many of them getting a new version released every year. However, those were boring when they were new. Instead, I went with some extreme sports titles and the requisite Mario sports titles that always seem to sell so well for Nintendo. Those are usually the only sports games that I would play.

1080° Snowboarding
Mario Golf
Mario Tennis
Snowboard Kids
Snowboard Kids 2

================================

And that's all, folks.  Questions, comments, outrageous objections and death threats are both expected and completely ignored. After all, I turned off the comment feature about 3 years ago because of spammer-bots. How could any of you question, comment, object or make a useless threat? :P

- Lord Publius

How to spot a THOT

For those who don't know, THOT is an acronym for 'That Ho Over There.' It is synomynous with other words for loose women like skank, slut, whore, tramp, et al. Anyway, there are various kinds of THOT. Some are harmless. Some are not. Let the THOT scale in this post be your guide.

THOT Scale

1.) God-Tier Waifu

- Does not actually exist.
- Put on this scale simply to piss women off...

2.) Nearly a THOT

- Camgirls, Cosplayers
- Send out nudes to everyone
- Have Amazon wishlists w/ lingerie
- Paypal link in Twitter profile
- Goes into heat & could die if they don't get laid often enough...

3.) THOT (AKA Gold-digger)

- Do NOT date anyone on this level.
- WILL make you broke & miserable.

4.) Mega THOT

- Do NOT approach. Avoid at all costs!
- Walking STD factory
- Patient Zero for outbreak of Super AIDS
- More dangerous than the Xenomorph from the Alien movies...

5.) THOT-Leviathan

- A legendary creature and the THOT's final form...
- Can drain Paypal accounts at will...
- She's referenced in the Bible and other ancient texts.
- Her appearance marks the beginning of the End Times...
- AKA ‘The Whore of Babylon'...

You'll have to download this and save it or open the pic in a diferent tab of your web browser to read the text.

I hope this scale helps some of you, my dudes. And remember, if you think you have just spotted a THOT, do NOT engage. Call your local THOT Patrol immediately and let the professionals handle that ho.

- Lord Publius

Random jokes and shitposting for the beginning of 2019...

1.) A few interesting things I have noticed about the French language...

After taking 2 semesters of College French, I have noticed a few strange things about some of its words. Their word for friend is 'copain.' That almost makes it look like they are admitting that friends can often be a pain in each other's asses. Lolz...

Even more noteworthy, is the fact that the word 'meme' is in their language. Although, their spelling of it would actually be 'même' instead. According to the textbook, this word means 'same' or 'even'. Well, that explains why the Left can't meme because Lord knows those Communist oddballs literally cannot even. :P

2.) MUSLIM & MIDDLE-EASTERN JOKES

Q.) How long may you look at a Muslim with one eye closed?

A.) Until the magazine is empty.

Q.) How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?

A.) None, the TSA can do it all by themselves, thank you very much.

Q.) What do you call a beautiful woman in Pakistan?

A.) A tourist… Or a kidnap victim…

Q.) What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?

A.) A quart of milk, a loaf of bread, one Powerball ticket and a pack of Marlboros please.

Q.) How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?

A.) The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q.) Why do most Muslim rapes go unreported?

A.) Goats can't testify.

3.) Alcoholic Airlines

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?” The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later, she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down. 

Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. 

A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.” 

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man. 

“Then what’s the matter?" 

“I’m trying to give up drinking..."

4.) LOVE & SEX JOKES

- Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Twenty years later, you'll want a club and a spade.

- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called "Wedding Cake."

- A man running for mayor was making a speech and thundered, "I want you people to know that there are over two dozen brothels in this town, and I have never been to one of them!" A voice from the back yelled out, "Which one?"

5.) RELIGIOUS JOKES

- Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming with plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our friends."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

6.) Ever wonder what it would be like if Edgar Allen Poe was a computer nerd? Now, you don't have to...

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I porn surfed, weak and weary, Over many a strange and spurious site of hot xxx galore. 

While I clicked my favorite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour. 

"Tis not possible!", I muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!" 

Quoth the server...."404"

- Lord Publius

The Good and Bad of 2018: A short year-in-review post

I'll just make this one short and sweet. That way, it won't take you long to go through this particular post. However, I can't make that promise with some of the other posts of mine that are hyperlinked throughout this piece.There will also be various different memes, just because I feel like being a smart ass. Enjoy!

SCHOOL

GOOD

- The first semester of college (January-May 2018) went really well.

- I switched majors to business administration in this recently completed semester so I can learn to run my own business. I should have done this a long time ago. Working for other people just isn't for me. Sometimes, neither is working with them. God willing, I will never have to depend on staying in an employer's good grace for my paychecks ever again after graduation.

Like those French classes I had to take because of a State requirement...

BAD

- I actually had to switch majors. Computer Science, as its done at UNO at least, was not to my liking or going to lead to the employment/future that I want. I refuse to ever sit in another fucking cubicle ever again! That is nothing but modern economic slavery! Besides, I'm going to be 40 years old when I graduate in 2022. 40 is a bit old to be starting out as a rookie in yet another new career field. Especially if all my co-workers are going to be young 20-somethings with ZERO clue about how the real world operates.

My opinion of smart-ass college kids is NOT high.
Fortunately, UNO's student body seems to be pretty well-adjusted.

- This second semester (August-December 2018) was a real shitshow compared to the first. Besides switching majors, I made the decision to leave the fraternity chapter that I helped found in the first semester. I could list a LOT of reasons to leave, but I won't bother. The reason I left that organization is the same reason I left several others in the past: Bad leadership. Specifically, the leadership on the national level. They made a few decisions that I found incredibly disagreeable and that, from my perspective, also makes them look hypocritical. I will not be knowingly associated with any form of hypocrisy. Like Jeshua, I find hypocrisy to be one of the absolute worst things about this fallen world. There was also a lot of poor decisions made by some of the local leadership that contributed to this decision. However, those are just the rancid cherries on top of the proverbial shit sundae that I refuse to eat. Based on my experiences with them, I'd have to conclude that Fraternities are not worth a damn.

GAMING

BAD

I have not been gaming as much as I'd like... Either too tired or too busy because of school and adult obligations. :/

We all know this sad story...

GOOD

My game collecting hobby hit a LOT of pay-dirt in 2018. Some of the highlights definitely have to be getting those much-needed PC upgrades, an arcade cabinet and a working Colecovision. Talk about having extremely good luck...

I have a pretty good laugh at idiots like this one...

CARS 

BAD

I lost my old 2001 Chevy S-10 pick-up truck, which was a near and dear friend to me. How, you ask? It happened because someone couldn't be bothered to watch the damned road. Damned Louisiana drivers... So much for me restoring that truck someday and turning it into a family heirloom, like I planned. :/ 

My old truck, circa 2011.

GOOD

Bought a new (to me) car in the form of a 2016 Chevy Impala LTZ Limited. This vehicle is FAR superior to every other I have had so far, with regard to technology, luxuries, performance and gas mileage. I have no idea if this vehicle will end up being a family heirloom or not.

Easily the best all-around vehicle I have had to date.

SOCIAL MEDIA

BAD

Thanks to their censorious ways, I had no choice but to abandon Facebook. That could mean that I'll lose my only form of communication with a lot of near and dear old friends that no longer live in my area. Thanks a lot, ZuckerSperg. I look forward to when the Feds throw the proverbial book at you! 

This Cocksmoker is a disgrace to Aspies EVERYWHERE.

GOOD

I found an alternative to Facebook that I find far superior, called Minds.com. I strongly recommend that you all go there and set up accounts ASAP. You'll like NOT being censored or having to give them any kind of personal data beyond an e-mail address for registration. I promise.

The one time when welcoming Refugees is actually a GOOD idea... :P

And a few more memes about Minds, just because I can...

- Lord Publius